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Fate's cruel trick...

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heartbroken2012 posted 11/4/2013 13:02 PM

So I have to share. The A started in November, and went through December. I am naturally more on edge. Told WH that these months would be hard and I need extra effort. He understands.

I am SOOOO panicky, and having major panic attacks. I am on RED alert for some reason. I get worried. I am suspicious about everything (even tho WH has been transparent, supportive, open). I am more self conscious.

This weekend my WH and I had a talk. We found out that the OW is getting moved to his he will have to see her weekly, etc). He specifically moved groups to be away from her. So I am freaked. I am upset. He promises me that this will NOT happen. He said he is going to talk to his boss and then his boss's boss about the move he made (they know) and how this cannot and shouldnt be allowed. He wants to get this changed. it is not completely set in stone, and when the announcement was made they mentioned there could be transfers. So he promised if she didnt get moved...he would transfer. Well that was 2 weeks ago...the change is to happen in December. He still has not spoke to his boss etc. So I am getting time is getting on and it might take a while to change this. Im getting a little disappointed that he hasnt done this yet. But he is adament that he will NOT work with her.

We also spoke about how its weird that she is always behind him or in front of him (directly) when he picks me up and the way she drives, and how much we see her. He also agreed its weird. And he told me that he CANT STAND the sight of her. He hates her for trying to break up two families (yes he doesnt mention his part) and how she is so ugly, and he cant stand the sound of her big mouth. Etc.

Im just feeling very fragile and panicky. Im stressed and messed up about this being the month the A started and I think back to things that happened this month a year ago. It just makes me sick.

My WH is trying to be lovie and sweet. But sometimes he clicks and is defensive. Example...last night we were discussing my brother and his gf. And he mentioned that one of her friends should tell her what my brother said (it was mean)so she knows. I told him that no one will because ulitmately no one cares about others relationships because it doesnt effect them...such as someone could know about two people having an affair and not tell the brtrayed wife or husband...they dont want to be the bearer of bad news. MY husband snapped and said "stop making this about us, its not about us, and when are you going to stop this?!"

This December thing has me really bothered. This month in general.

nowiknow23 posted 11/4/2013 13:17 PM


Ostrich80 posted 11/4/2013 13:23 PM

It's probably because I'm a disgruntled bs but as I read this, first thought, is he stalling and putting off, then going to say its too late to talk to his boss. Not necessarily because he wants her to be in his group but perhaps he doesnt want to deal with asking his boss. I'm prob way off but unfortunately that's how my mind works now.

MsRukia posted 11/4/2013 14:35 PM

Ugh I hear you and can relate. November is a huuuuge trigger month for me too. Is your WH being supportive overall? Is he remorseful ? If he is you should be able to lovingly confront him. He said he would do it , and he needs to follow through. If he doesn't that further errors trust . Not to mention it can openness doors for contact again with OW.

heartbroken2012 posted 11/4/2013 14:41 PM

I am so pleased! On our break (and without the email telling my husband my concerns being sent) he came right out and told me that he has set up a meeting with his boss tomorrow to discuss the December change.

I am so happy!

Now hopefully something can be done to prevent the OW from working in the same group as WH.

Raven96 posted 11/4/2013 15:17 PM


I will keep my fingers crossed for all of this to be resolved before December!!

This is the month my WH started his stupid A a year ago, too. What, was Thanksgiving just going to be THAT TOUGH last year?? WTH??

crazyblindsided posted 11/4/2013 17:23 PM


Yes I too hope everything works out.

November is a trigger month for me too. Caught my WH and MOW together with VAR on Thanksgiving Day Our last Dday.

RidingHealingRd posted 11/4/2013 17:40 PM

Has your H entertained the thought of seeking employment elsewhere?

I understand that this does not happen over night but it is possible. My WH started seeking a new job just days after Dday. It took 6 months but he secured a new job, in a new state. Despite the fact that his new position is 3 level down from his old one this was such a positive move; he NEVER runs the risk of ever working/seeing POS MOW.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 5:42 PM, November 4th (Monday)]

Ostrich80 posted 11/6/2013 00:20 AM

Awesome!! I'm glad I was mistaken

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