So I have to share. The A started in November, and went through December. I am naturally more on edge. Told WH that these months would be hard and I need extra effort. He understands.
I am SOOOO panicky, and having major panic attacks. I am on RED alert for some reason. I get worried. I am suspicious about everything (even tho WH has been transparent, supportive, open). I am more self conscious.
This weekend my WH and I had a talk. We found out that the OW is getting moved to his group...so he will have to see her weekly, etc). He specifically moved groups to be away from her. So I am freaked. I am upset. He promises me that this will NOT happen. He said he is going to talk to his boss and then his boss's boss about the move he made (they know) and how this cannot and shouldnt be allowed. He wants to get this changed. it is not completely set in stone, and when the announcement was made they mentioned there could be transfers. So he promised if she didnt get moved...he would transfer. Well that was 2 weeks ago...the change is to happen in December. He still has not spoke to his boss etc. So I am getting nervous...as time is getting on and it might take a while to change this. Im getting a little disappointed that he hasnt done this yet. But he is adament that he will NOT work with her.
We also spoke about how its weird that she is always behind him or in front of him (directly) when he picks me up and the way she drives, and how much we see her. He also agreed its weird. And he told me that he CANT STAND the sight of her. He hates her for trying to break up two families (yes he doesnt mention his part) and how she is so ugly, and he cant stand the sound of her big mouth. Etc.
Im just feeling very fragile and panicky. Im stressed and messed up about this being the month the A started and I think back to things that happened this month a year ago. It just makes me sick.
My WH is trying to be lovie and sweet. But sometimes he clicks and is defensive. Example...last night we were discussing my brother and his gf. And he mentioned that one of her friends should tell her what my brother said (it was mean)so she knows. I told him that no one will because ulitmately no one cares about others relationships because it doesnt effect them...such as someone could know about two people having an affair and not tell the brtrayed wife or husband...they dont want to be the bearer of bad news. MY husband snapped and said "stop making this about us, its not about us, and when are you going to stop this?!"
This December thing has me really bothered. This month in general.