I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.
I'm not sure exactly where to post this, so if it is the wrong spot, my apologies.
H and I ended up getting into this huge argument last night and I am still angry today.
Basically, we were watching a show where the main character went to a bachelor party and there was a stripper there. H looked at me and said that if he was ever at someone's party and something like that showed up, he would leave immediately (per our boundaries) and tell me right away. I brought up that I would let the bride know as well (assuming I know her). H suddenly got all angry at me, told me that I shouldn't ever tattle on his friends, and accused me of being miserable and wanting to ruin other people's relationships and weddings.
He was so defensive, it was unbelievable. He has many friends, none of whom are married and I assume he jumped onto the defensive because this is a likely scenario that may happen in the future.
We basically got in this whole argument, about a hypothetical, but him saying that he follows "bro code" and would be furious at me if anything ever came up and I shared with his friend's wifes. I told him that is not what I believe in- I do not want to live my life in a way where omissions are kept from my family or my friends. I think that knowing someone cheated, or potentially crossed relationship boundary lines and not saying anything is on par with being an active participant in it, and his defensive attitude shows me that he has hidden something from me either about himself or his friends. H insisted that his defensiveness is not because of that- but because 4 years ago he had an argument with a friend of his about his girlfriend, and the friend sided with the girlfriend. The two of them didn't speak for a year, and H said the lesson he learned was to stay out of other people's relationships. H insisted that my refusal to do so made him not want to tell me anything ever again.
I don't understand how he can be so fundimentally wrong about something. I feel as though I am living with someone who has no morals. I know people have different opinions on this, but I really refuse to live in a way that is secretive and hiding things from people, when I would want them to tell me if the situation was reversed. I am upset, and I don't like that he has these fundimentally different opinions than me. it makes me not trust him. I am disappointed because I thought we were on the same page and making progress.
I guess this was just a vent.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."