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I lost my best friend.

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jlister35124 posted 11/4/2013 14:55 PM

I have been married for 16 years I am 42 my wife is 38. I happened August 8th she was acting cold and she told me I am not happy. I asked her what she meant. She said I am not sure I want all this anymore. We have 2 beautiful daughters who are 13 and 14. I asked her what she meant. She again just said i am not happy I am thinking I may leave. I was in total shock. I have always completely trusted my wife. I still was not sure where this was coming from. She asked me if she could have the weekend to go stay at a friends lake house by herself and clear her head. I said sure if that is what she needed. The entire next day I was dazed when the work day ended the panic started creeping in. By the time i was within 2 miles of the house I passed my street and called a friend and asked them to talk me down. They did it helped to clear my head. I remembered she had broken and old phone the same model as mine I could put my battery in it and put my mind at ease. So i did just that. My world crashed in burning flames when that phone powered up and logged in. First message was to a friend: "James is pouting i will be so glad to get to go home and be with matt this weekend for our ONE YEAR anniversary. I told him I haven't made up my mind but I really have." I think I stopped breathing for 2 full minuets. I confronted her showed her the message on the phone. She admitted to it. I was so upset I left with my daughter who was there and went to a friends house. I still had the old phone with me. I was able to read hundreds of emails back and forth I read every line of everyone. I could not sleep for 3 days. This woman was my world my best friend the mother of my children. That night she left and went straight to his house where she has been ever since. I am left trying to keep my own sanity together and try not to traumatize my children further by what i say.

painfulpast posted 11/4/2013 15:02 PM

(((((jlister35124)))))

I'm so sorry you're here. That is a horrible story. To think she made up her 'story' so that you would let her go away for the weekend. How utterly cruel.

Right now things don't seem right. I'm sorry - but did you say this happened in the beginning of August?

Have you seen a lawyer yet? You should, and soon. You should also take half of the funds from all bank accounts and put the funds into individual accounts in your name. You need to protect you, and she isn't someone you know any longer. If you think she would never take your money, or hurt you, when did you ever think she'd have an affair?

Please, read the healing library. There is a lot of great info there. This site has so many experienced, caring people. You've found the right place.

MovingUpward posted 11/4/2013 15:03 PM

Welcome jlister

So it has been a couple months from when you found out, how are you doing now? Do you still get the anxiety attacks? How are your daughters? Are you able to stay strong for them as well as yourself?

LetMeRollIt posted 11/4/2013 15:08 PM

Sorry to hear that, man. I've found a lot of help here.

I didn't sleep for days after D Day either. And have only regained partial sanity 4 months in.

Be strong.

LetMeRollIt posted 11/4/2013 15:11 PM

And look into the 180. I wish id found it sooner.

AlexFL posted 11/4/2013 15:30 PM

The only thing I can say is that she could have dragged it on forever. I know the quick cut must be devastating but at least if you are at rock bottom, you have a starting line of returning to yourself. You can only go up from here. Try to stay strong.

I'm in a relationship that my H has cheated on me over and over and I still can't find the heart or nerve to say good bye.

jlister35124 posted 11/4/2013 16:29 PM

I had divorce papers in her hands within 2 weeks actually. It is hard to face the end. I am hopeful for a fresh start. The anxiety is not near as bad now. I managed to only have one breakdown in front of my daughters. I am glad they saw it I would hate for them to think I did not care or feel loss.

jb3199 posted 11/5/2013 05:59 AM

It is unbelievable how they can be so selfish, cold, and deceiving. Literally changes your entire life in a moment.

The only thing of support that I can say right now, is that you came across a great site to help you navigate through this mess. Post as must as you feel comfortable with. The more that you are able to post with you story, the more help that can be offered. You will be surprised how much you story will parallel with other members here...and it definitely helps to be able to relate with others.

You will get through this mess.

happyman64 posted 11/5/2013 06:34 AM

Jlister

Your wife is selfish and a liar.

Glad you found out the truth quickly and avoided the TT from DDay.

18 years of marriage traded for a one year fling.

Your wayward wife and the OM deserve each other.

How are you and your daughters holding up?

What do they think of their Mom?

How do they feel about you?

The meltdown in front of them is ok but now is the time to be strong. To show them what a man looks like that understands pain, betrayal and respects himself too much to tolerate infidelity.

Remember, you deserve better. Go find it.

And revenge is ok. The best revenge is to have a great life and share it with someone more beautiful inside and out than your ex.

Your daughters will respect you more for it.

I already respect you more for your actions.

Keep moving forward.

HM

stronger08 posted 11/5/2013 07:05 AM

Kuddos for serving her so fast. Best thing you could have done. Trust me, her and old Matty boy are coming to the end of their honeymoon stage. In short time their relationship built on a foundation of lies and deceit will come crashing down. Right about now reality is starting to set in for them. Very soon the life they envisioned that was filled with fluff and fantasy will be replaced with life's normalcy. They will start getting on each others nerves and then their true colors will come out. And you know for certain they are both liars and cheats. So what do you think is going to happen ? Sit back with some popcorn/beer and enjoy the show.

jjct posted 11/5/2013 07:13 AM

jlister35124)))
This is close to what happened to me in my first M. Boom! It was done.
I hope you get to keep your daughters with you (she abandoned them).
Sending you tons of strength!

When will the D be final?
PM me anytime.

jlister35124 posted 11/5/2013 16:14 PM

Our divorce should be final by Christmas. My daughters are with me. I have full legal custody. She signed everything with out a fight at all. I have told her I am thinking of moving out of state she said it would probably be good for us. So in her mind she is done being a mother is all i can figure. my daughters are disgusted by what she did. In 3 months she has spent maybe 10 hours with them. It hurts me to admit it but they know she is running from them too. My daughters are fine right now with the limited contact. I know they will never accept him as anything but the destruction of their family. My girls are strong and very intelligent young women. They know I was totally in love with their mother. They know I would never have dreamed of doing this to her. I know I could never trust her again and I never want to live like that with anyone. So in my mind I know it is over forever. In my heart I still love her. It is the battle between the two that gets to me at times.

allatsea posted 11/6/2013 02:44 AM

J,

Your story is very similar to mine and I truly know how you must be feeling. At least she has done the decent thing and signed the children and assets over to you. No such luck for me.

Whilst you will be bombarded with positive suggestions that she and him deserve each other, they are liars and their life will soon be crap, I want to give you fair warning; I agree that they are cheaters and liars and the passion will fade but to suggest that their relationship will fail (to our amusement) is not always the case. At this stage we all want to see justice (I still do) and the thought of them turning up at the door sobbing uncontrollably keeps us living day to day but please temper that expectation, if you have it.

My WW is still deeply entrenched in her relationship and is now pregnant. She's not going anywhere soon. Even if she does realise her mistake, she is unlikely to admit it.

I wish you the best of health. Please think of yourself and your children. They need you more than ever.

p.s. you may wish to use alternative names in your posts instead of real ones

Post often and speak soon

jlister35124 posted 11/7/2013 14:31 PM

In answer to the expectations I have none. If she ends up with him forever fine if they end up splitting up fine. I just know my daughters and i deserve better. I am trying to stay focused on healing and moving forward. I have plans to move to another state. My soon to be ex knows about this and the only thing she said is "I think it would be good for you". I agree I think it will be a fresh start in a new town. A chance to make new memories. When you get knocked down to zero it is the best time to start over. I am not holding onto something that was never truly mine.

jlister35124 posted 11/7/2013 14:31 PM

In answer to the expectations I have none. If she ends up with him forever fine if they end up splitting up fine. I just know my daughters and i deserve better. I am trying to stay focused on healing and moving forward. I have plans to move to another state. My soon to be ex knows about this and the only thing she said is "I think it would be good for you". I agree I think it will be a fresh start in a new town. A chance to make new memories. When you get knocked down to zero it is the best time to start over. I am not holding onto something that was never truly mine.

StillLivin posted 11/7/2013 14:53 PM

This is my first venture into JFO land. I didn't find this place until a few months after the first DD.
I will pass on to you what my FIL, yes, my cheating husband's shocked father, told me when I was devastated and crying.
What starts out wrong can only end wrong.
So for the WS, fantasy land is only for a short time.
Then he proceeded to tell me to let him go and move on without him. Let your WS go and keep moving on without her....sounds like you are already doing that.
He then told me that his POS son didn't deserve the blessings God had bestowed him and that He would continue to bless me.
So, your WS didn't deserve you, and you will find a more true happiness down the road.
So sorry you have joines us. Keep pressing forward and come back and update us from time to time.

Sal1995 posted 11/7/2013 15:06 PM

jlister, you deserve so much better than what she's given you, and now you have a chance to pursue better. Sorry this happened to you. Your daughters are lucky to have one parent who loves them more than his/her own selfish needs. The three of you will no doubt remember this time in your life as a very painful one, but also a time in which you became closer than ever. Those girls will take good care of their dad forever. Live well, brother.

Lost15 posted 11/7/2013 22:18 PM

jlister35124 I'm so sorry. You and your girls don't deserve this. My STBXH hasn't seen his son since except 2 hours in July when he told me he wanted he was "done with me." You deserve so much better.

Lostandpregnant posted 11/28/2013 14:52 PM

I'm so sorry you're going through this :(
I'm glad you have full custody of your children and that you have each other.

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