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hopefulhackaway posted 11/4/2013 17:04 PM

My d-day was the 28th of october. Please read my story and let me know if you think my BS will ever come around to wanting to work through this?

I know you cant know for sure. But is his reaction normal?

wifehad5 posted 11/4/2013 17:35 PM

Hi and welcome hopeful. Sorry for the reason you're here, but glad you found us

If you haven't already, check out the Healing Library (the link is in the yellow box up on the left )

It's really hard to say what your BF will ultimately decide to do. This is still all new to him, and his world has been rocked.

I would suspect you use this time to work on you. Seeing a counselor to work out why you went with the OM so quickly. It might also be a good idea to not drink while you work this out.

Keep posting. It's good to have you here

hopefulhackaway posted 11/4/2013 18:17 PM

Before registering I devoured all the material in the Healing Library.

Also, since the guilt overwhelmed me and I knew I must confess, my desire to drink has been non existent.

I have begun to realize why I consented to the cheating. I am writing my BF a letter explaining the details of the cheating and lying, the issues I have come to realize I have, as well as the issues I have come to realize we had.

RippedSoul posted 11/4/2013 18:27 PM

As the betrayed person, I can say that your boyfriend's reaction certainly seems normal. None of us has a crystal ball, though, that will tell the future.

That, fortunately or unfortunately, is out of your control. All you can do is to work on why you cheated in the first place. If it's because you were under the influence, then maybe you should never drink again (or limit yourself to one). If you resented him in some way, then you need to learn to communicate better. If you needed attention from another man to make you feel attractive and wanted, then you need to work on your self esteem.

This work may not "win" your boyfriend back and restore his trust. What it may do, though, is make you a better partner for the next man you commit to. In the short term, you may lose someone extremely important to you, but in the long term, you have a brighter future.

Me? I'm forgiving because my WH was more or less faithful for 21 years. He earned another chance. If he were my BF or F, I'd be gone. That may not be what you want to hear, but it's true. I hope you and your BF are able to work through this and come out stronger than ever--whether it's together or not. Growing from our mistakes--building character--is what life's all about.

wifehad5 posted 11/4/2013 18:33 PM

as well as the issues I have come to realize we had.

Be careful that this doesn't come off as blaming him or the relationship for what you did

hopefulhackaway posted 11/5/2013 07:20 AM

wifehad5, I do not blame latent issues we had in our relationship. These are not excuses or justifications for the cheating and subsequent lying. Rather, the time for reflection and soul searching has allowed me to understand issues that set the stage for me to consent to something I never would have considered myself capable of.

wifehad5 posted 11/5/2013 10:48 AM

It's great that you understand what I meant

Be careful bring these to him too early. The mind of a fresh BS can be a very fragile thing.