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bh14801 posted 11/4/2013 19:04 PM

This is how I feel many times, I am not sure I even know what love is any more.....do any of you feel this way? My Husband was with more women then I want to think about, that is the problem I can't quit thinking about it. I feel numb sometimes just don't want to think about it...I think I have lost myself I just don't feel the same any more. So we are trying to work things out take one day at a time, sometimes he ask me what is wrong I just don't want to say anything because I don't feel anything. I will NEVER understand why he did what he has done, he doesn't even understand. We can only move forward now, but that is much easier to say then do. If some of you have R, when do you know you are in love again? I would love to know what that will feel like....

OldCow18 posted 11/4/2013 20:08 PM

I've been feeling nothing for a few days now as well. We made a decision last week to control our conversations about the A because they always end up in a blow out. I feel the same as you, I don't feel he understands what he has done. So, we decided that things were going so badly in R, that we'd try and focus on being nice to eachother, for me, in hopes if we fill our "buckets" a bit so to speak, the conversations needed to heal won't be so filled with rage. The end result has been that I'm feeling numb. His goodwill towards me has probably put out my rage fire for a little while, but it's sent me straight into feeling nothing at all. I'll be watching this post for advice as well.

bh14801 posted 11/5/2013 05:45 AM

Sometimes when you are just being nice to each other it feels somewhat like it is swept under the carpet. I know that is what I don't want...it is a very hard balance. I want to feel "special" everyday and want it to come from him even something as small as a sweet text coming on my phone unexpectedly. He has told me he loves me everyday for a month and a half and I don't respond so he decided not to say it to me anymore because what good is it doing....that sucks and I told him that. I want to hear it even if it is true and in his heart, it really is helping me even if I can't respond back with "I love you" he is just so used to it and I thinks wants things back the way they used to be. We did talk last night about this, so we will see how it goes it has to come from him and he says it goes both ways, but honestly I don't think so right now, I am not the one that had affairs for years and I am not the one who broke our vows. Feeling better today so I will take that and see if anything changes after all the talking last night....

OldCow18 posted 11/5/2013 08:19 AM

I woke up this morning to a very sweet note from WH. It says, "Good morning, Beautiful, I want you to know that I think about you all of the time. I love you more than you know. I know I don't show you or give you what you need given the circumstances, especially. My heart fills iwth joy and love when I see you or see your emails or texts/calls. I love you, WH"

I feel nothing, maybe nothing isn't the right word. I feel cynical. Like, really?

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 8:20 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

stunnedin12 posted 11/5/2013 08:29 AM

In regards to wh, I have felt nothing since April when he contacted chickie and then had the balls to tell me his phone pocket texted. That sort of killed me inside.

I see where he is trying - I don't know when/if any real emotions will return but I am willing to ride it out for now. I do have happiness in other areas of my life which gives me hope.

LivinginLimbo posted 11/5/2013 12:55 PM

I often feel this way. I think part of it is a defense mechanism. There's only so much hurt that I can process and by shutting myself down, it takes away some of the pain.

The other part is adjusting to who my FWH really is. Clearly, he's not the person I thought he was and I'm not sure if I do/can love him again.

Ostrich80 posted 11/5/2013 13:10 PM

I pretty much feel numb since DD2. That second one just killed it for me. He sends me an ily text every morning...it means nothing to me. Words are not what I'm looking for. He sent those in the heat of the A too so if anything, I just feel annoyed by the texts.

bh14801 posted 11/5/2013 17:51 PM

I do think feeling numb or feeling nothing is protecting our hearts, we can only that so much hurt and then it feels like your heart is breaking. We had a better day today to, after talking last night so that was good. I have been with this man for 1/2 my life so I am committed to him, and am willing to give the rest a chance. I will take a good day Oldcow18 I am glad your husband wrote you that note! I hope you feel happy today too!

BetrayedAngel posted 11/5/2013 21:24 PM

I too feel numb. This is my WHs 2nd PA in 2 yrs and it seems to have destroyed me. It's been 4mths since DDay & I just can't get my head around it. We are working to R & I do want it to work as we've been together almost 12yrs but it's really hard.
It's good to know that others are experiencing the same. I tell him I love him as a response to him telling me but they're just words. There's no feeling behind them so I feel a bit like a fake saying it. I often wonder when I will be able to tell him that I love him with some conviction. I hope it comes back. After the 1st PA the love for him came back within a couple of mths. This time though it's different - I don't feel much at all. Straight after DDay I felt so much sadness & a need to hold on to him but that has faded. Now, a lot of the time I just feel fed up with it all. We have been living apart for 3mths. Now the main feeling I get is panic & anxiety whenever I think of the A.
I still care & have hopes that we can get through this to have a happier marriage but if it takes too much longer for the feelings to come back then I'm not sure we'll make it. He's doing everything right for a WH & his actions show that he is remorseful and wants to help me heal - there's not a lot more he can give but he's done so much harm & I wonder if it can be fixed. How long can one stay in limbo feeling numb? That goes for both the BS & the WS.

This is a great post.

bh14801 posted 11/6/2013 05:39 AM

betrayed angel it is hard but I keep telling myself that you we can't go back no matter how hard it is we have to move forward. I don't want to feel like I punish him everyday for his bad choices that he is truly sorry for, but he needs to make an effort "every day" to make something happen that is special for me. I am going to be true to my heart and my feelings, I want to tell him I love him, but I refuse to say it if it is just words...I hope soon my heart will let me tell him, but I do have my moments, I think I will tell him if I have a moment because that is what I am feeling. Be selfish, think of your self and what makes you happy....think forward. This isn't possible all the time but it feels good not thinking about all the other stuff that we have no control over, and never did it wasn't our faults!