I tried to explain that I'm trying to work past these thoughts and I'm not trying to hurt him but everything seems suspicious.
He said he is leaving town and basically "F" me and he is walking away from the business and everything. And that he will not be at work anymore and I can go figure that out.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. For your own sake, believe that he means exactly what he says and shows to you that he is a liar, a cheater, and doesn't have your best interests in his heart.
He is trying to manipulate you, and like gonnabe said, he's a bully.
I don't know if you two own a business together or are active partners in a business or what, but if so, you really need to get some legal advice about it.
I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I hate that I've been placed in this position again.
I think a real man would say, "I know I've hurt you over and over, I don't want to end the relationship but I have not been fair to you and think you deserve some stability and trust in your life. I am quietly letting go but I will continue to uphold my responsibilities. I am going to work on this issue and try to resolve what is lacking inside me. It may not help us but I am willing to try so that I never inflict this pain on anyone else"
Wow if he would say that, I would at least think he was a true man, someone that could really recognize what they've done. Betrayal is so much harder when u actually allow yourself to feel the pain instead of sweep it under the rug (like I've done in the past)
Typical. I made my bed, and now I don't like it and don't want to lie in it.
Doesn't sound like someone who's recognizing the extent of the sin he's committed, or the pain he's caused. Hugs.
I think it's like when you put a frog into hot water - it jumps right out. If you put it into cold water, turn up the heat slowly, it will cook to death. I think as a BS I was that way for a long, long time. I put up with stuff for so many years, not really making an issue of it, sweeping it under the rug, making excuses... but looking back now, knowing everything I know, I see clearly that I was emotionally abused for almost our entire marriage. I was so confused during his A, I didn't know what I was doing wrong, why he was so hot and cold. I literally fell on the floor in front of him once, begging him not to leave me. WTF?? No dignity at all.
Don't lose your dignity - not for anyone, for any price.
You can't control what your H does, but you can protect yourself. Move money to your own account, see a lawyer, make copies of all documents and don't ever let him bully you into sweeping all this under the rug. 90% of the time an angry reaction happens because you've hit a nerve of truth. Stay as calm and respectful as possible, but don't back down.
We had a somewhat calm conversation and he still takes complete responsibility for the ONS but wants to point out things in the relationship that I'm 50% responsible for. I've been starting to think maybe I'm not that good of a partner. He told me what he'd like (more attention, more affection etc etc)
Well if you want those things than keep your Di$@ in your pants -- sorry I hold onto traumatic experiences.
Anyway. I had an epiphany driving alone-- I heard everything I'm suppose to change but I have yet to hear what he is changing. And actually he is the one that screwed up again--
I decided there's nothing wrong with me. I was dedicated, loyal and did the best I can. I am a great person. I am very nice (maybe a little too codependent but I'm working on that)
I don't deserve this Bull- and anyone would be lucky to be with me. He is a cocky and arrogant and if he directs those energies towards me I am not going to accept that.
I made myself feel better but I would be told I'm selfish for thinking of myself. Infidelity sucks. There really should be laws against it. I can prove he had sex without a condom. I confronted the other person. He could have put my health at risk. If there were more legal consequences for this not for moral but for possible physical harm.... It may deter people from doing this crap. Not to mention the emotional stress.
It's sucks to be in love with someone who turns into a jerk. I should have known if be on his hit list eventually.
I am being punished because he cheated again. I hate that someone can unknowingly manipulate me and my feelings. I truly do not think he knows that he is doing it but I have so much hurt and anger that when he discusses what brought us to where we are; all I hear is him blaming me even if that's not what he is saying.
9 weeks. Ruined holiday season and 9 weeks I won't get back. I do not understand how people get over this. I am in IC and I do not see me ever forgiving this. I could sweep it under the rug but believe me I will never forget this pain.
I hate that someone can unknowingly manipulate me and my feelings.
He knows exactly what he is doing. He wants all the control, he wants to do whatever he wants.....bad you for not going along with it, according to him.
He is self absorbed and selfish. when he doesn't get his way he deflects, blameshifts, goes for your jugular.
Your instincts are dead on. Trust your gut!
He is emotionally abusing you, again, and again. This stops when you say it does.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 11:06 PM, December 4th (Wednesday)]