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Anyone feel guilty about how they treated AP?

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stongmomof3 posted 11/4/2013 21:29 PM

Does anyone ever feel guilty about how they reacted or treated AP after dday? We are 7 months out frome finding the secret phone. I had no idea these women were in my life or that our marriage was anything but solid. I FLIPPED. Called each one (3 EA , 1 PA) I cursed them with words I didn't even realize I knew . I posted them on , I messaged a couple of their family members or friends. I had WS Make a website with the PA affair sluts dirty pictures and all her information. She called hysterical and I removed everything online because I felt guilty.
Then a few months later got back to the F@$k them mentality and wanted to lash out again. I haven't but I do feel bad for these feelings.
That's crazy huh? I've been talking more to my IC about it and she doesn't say much other than it was justified , I was in shock and I should coninue to control myself in the future. Some days I want to tell EVERY SINGLE person they know and Sabatoge their lives and the next I feel so guilty .

Kelany posted 11/4/2013 21:31 PM

Oh hell no. No guilt at all.

stongmomof3 posted 11/4/2013 21:32 PM

This has only been recently. The first several months I could have literally ran them over with my car and laughed. And now the guilt is fleeting .maybe I'm just getting numb?

summerain posted 11/4/2013 21:40 PM

I don't feel guilty about how I treated OW1+2.

I do feel guilty about how I treated a friend 3 weeks ago. I ran into her and I was slightly tipsy, I completely ignored her. I couldn't believe it right? I apologised and laughed it off

a week and a half ago, I realised she was the girl that my WH looked at numerous photos of when he went away for business for a week. That was not her fault at all (she is a bit of a slut.. but a consciencous one)

That said, although I did have the temptation after dday to do what you did so I understand it. I personally don't think that is a good idea. But I have told a lot of people, to get back at him and her. My wh threw his hands up in the air and told about a couple of hundred all at once, wrote a song about it and apologized.

Now I have to deal with "what an amazing thing he did", "he's so sorry" and the song being performed ALL THE FREAKING TIME. On a fricken album now.

Recently one of our friends was like "you love that song don't you Lauren" ummm fuck no , it almost makes me cry every time. His girlfriend said "ahhh have you ever seen her face when he performs it...?"

So there are downsides to TELLING EVERYONE.

but also, things being posted online like that... it's really not something I would recomend doing again...

stongmomof3 posted 11/4/2013 21:45 PM

The ones I told I do not know in real life . We are in a small town and he has an influential job where everyone knows him . Thank God none were where we live and I instantly regretted telling anyone but for ME not them. I guess I'm just feeling guilty that I lost so much control at the beginning. I look back at the person I became and it's break my heart. Saying things I would never say , wishing things I didn't know I had the capacity to wish and wanting to seriously hurt strangers. I do believe they thought we were divorcing and the EA's don't se to have been a big deal to them or to him. Just stupid sexting to pass the time. They devastated me and I wanted revenge.

Dreamland posted 11/4/2013 21:47 PM

guilt absolutely the same guilt she had chasing and fucking my husband. Zero...skanky whore!

[This message edited by Dreamland at 9:48 PM, November 4th (Monday)]

stongmomof3 posted 11/4/2013 21:47 PM

And I know what you mean about your friend that you ignored. I've had to block friends on FB just because something they said or a pic thy posted (totally unrelated to us) triggered me. I've also questioned (to him not publically) clients of his since dday. Actually I've questioned everything lol.

Nest2007 posted 11/5/2013 00:03 AM

Guilt? Oh heck no. Only regret that I didn't get angrier, didn't call her out for being the whore that she is. I don't think I've ever felt hatred before. I do now.

Thessalian posted 11/5/2013 00:11 AM

Guilt? Uh, no. I was super polite to her at first, figuring it wasn't her fault. Then more details came out - oh, man, did she not deserve my politeness.

I'm only sorry I didn't write her a nasty letter when it would have made sense. At this point, writing one would let her know I still think about her.

I almost want her to try to break NC so I can say all the things I never said.

painfulpast posted 11/5/2013 06:05 AM

I have to admit, I thought of doing every single thing you did - even the website. I actually bought the domain name I was going to use.

But no, no guilt. I wouldn't think much about it. They thought nothing of trying to destroy your marriage and family. I wouldn't give them much thought.

cantgetup posted 11/5/2013 06:19 AM

It's that whole argument that is on SI frequently-- aiming that venom at the right person. Which is your S. I wouldn't feel guilty, but I would feel embarrassed about my actions in light of the fact that my H is the one who should have been on the receiving end of this. I didn't go off on anyone but my H. Now, having the benefit of being this far out, I'm glad I didn't. I could have dealt with the guilt hour talking about so much better than the humiliation I know I would have felt if I had done what you did. But I'm a believer in you do what you have to do.

hobbeskat posted 11/5/2013 07:13 AM

Nope. In fact, I wish I'd been harsher on her.

crestfallen posted 11/5/2013 07:27 AM

Nope....I have only spoken to her once. That was when she butt dialed me (my H and my number is only one digit apart).

I was very kind to her as she lied to me from the start of the conversation and I knew I was going no where with her. Basically, she called the A a relationship. I told her a relationship is where you meet the kids, parents and aren't someone's dirty little secret.
Complete silence on that one.

She also told me she neither she or my H was ready to end the relationship. Really, that's why H told you on DDAy he was relieved I found out and he was physically sick from the whole thing. He was under a Dr's care. Last two month of A he lost a ton of weight, looked terrible. I told her, "If he lied to me, he lied to you, my dear." She finally said, "yeah, I know."

At this point, I had the opportunity to totally slam her for basically calling herself a whore, but I just ended the conversation giving her a little dignity.


No12turn2 posted 11/5/2013 07:31 AM

I have been trying to find out more about the OM. I had his work cell number and I sent many text and left a few voicemails. He never contacted me. I really wish I could find his wife

LivinginLimbo posted 11/5/2013 08:06 AM

I sent an email on D-Day and, when she texted my H 3 weeks later, I called from his phone and left a voicemail. Both times I used every version of whore imaginable and probably created a few new ones.

I have zero regrets.

OldCow18 posted 11/5/2013 08:16 AM

I sent OW a 4 sentence PM on FB one minute before confronting WH on d-day. Then nothing for 3 months, I expected an apology as she was a "friend" but none came. Had a bad day for a variety of reasons and sent her a very long scathing letter/email. I feel no guilt whatsoever, she deserved to hear everything I wrote, and actually more. What I regret is not being scathing enough.

Ostrich80 posted 11/5/2013 09:52 AM

I wish I had done something to feel guilty about! I was so afraid of looking like a jealous wife and being incorrect in accusing her, I was not
nearly as ferocious as I should have been.

Ostrich80 posted 11/5/2013 10:03 AM

That was when she butt dialed me (my H and my number is only one digit apart).

Mine too crest, one digit off and I keep hoping for a slip up one day

Marathonwaseasy posted 11/5/2013 10:07 AM

No not at all
She was a BW once and knew what this was like
She attacked me, sent me vicious texts, has approached him despite NC for 7 weeks and him telling her it was over, is still waiting for him.
She is a known bunny boiler
But its FWH who really let me down. However he at least is showing remorse
She is still dreaming about their special connection

cancuncrushed posted 11/5/2013 10:33 AM

I dont feel guilty. I only went crazy on H. I had to bite my tongue for OW as she was discribed as an equal , upper management employee. SHe was somebody important. H didnt want to lose his job. I was still gathering info. 8 months of hell went by as they worked side by side every day. ANd traveled together. After I realized she was just a secretary, I couldnt take it anymore. I Had her fired. Now I hugely regret not saying anything to her. I did have her fired and she has had many jobs and lost them all since. But I never said a word to her. ANd I am very verbal. I now just wait for the day I see her in person. SHe moved away. My H is there , in her city, all this week, just down the street from her. FOr meetings......I refused to go. FOr the first time.... Im not going to worry myself either, I feel pretty good. I wish for the opportunity . But I would never feel guilty.

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