It is not directly related to h and I and R but indirectly.
My 28 year old son heard the "I love you but speech" in March. His fiancÚ cheated on him and left. Long story, very sad of course. He had moved to support her through school 1500 miles away and put his plans on hold. His life revolved around her. He has been devastated, depressed and so alone. It has been killing me to think of him going through this so alone, no one but me to talk to long distance. Just getting through day by day.
He texted me in the middle of the night. "I know you are sleeping. I just want you to know I am okay. I have decided that I want to come home"
I just saw this this morning and I am waiting, patiently (hah!) for him to call.
I am so very happy! I have not felt this happy in a very long time. I knew this was weighing on me, every day I worried about him. I feel as if a rock has been lifted from my heart.
I am so happy! He will not spend the holidays alone. I can help him move forward in a real way and not just from afar. We can support each other in real life and not just on the phone.
I am so happy! Gee, do you think I'm happy?
I am jumping out of my skin!
I didn't know I still had this much happy in me!
Just wanted to share something good. This is so very, very good.
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
I attempted R, he was a lie
I'm so sorry your DS has already experienced the pain of infidelity, but I'm so glad he is making it.
Be happy! Be really, really happy!!
In a kind of "Twilight Zone" kind of way, having gone through this myself has enabled me to help him in a way that would not have been possible if I had not experienced it myself. I just don't think I would have been able to understand what he was going through.
We have become so close and so open with each other. We talk about things that I never would have believed possible.
I have texts from him that I save and read over and over.
"I am so proud and grateful that you are my mom", doesn't get much better than that, except, He Is Coming HOME!!!
Just a little excited.
We are moving to the city where my pregnant daughter lives at the end of the month and I am SO looking forward to being near my daughter again, I can't wait, counting the days! So I can understand just how you feel. And then to know that you will be able to help him recover from infidelity too, that is huge.
[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 9:26 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
I am hoping that once he gets home and has some support in real everyday life he will start to focus on himself again.
He is going to live with us until he is ready to leave. I hope that without the pressures of rent and just getting through maybe he will find the energy to get back to school (with some encouragement from mom).
Also, I am going to gently try to get him into therapy. He did try once where he is living now and got such a runaround that he gave up. It was just too much for him at the time. That is the hard thing about therapy, when you really need it you don't have the energy to pursue it if there is too much red tape.
Maybe our IC/MC will give us a family rate.
Already 3 appointments a week between h and I, what's one more?
I am really so pleased. Moving away for him I still see as having had a positive effect. He has grown so responsible and thoughtful, I just wish that he hadn't had to experience infidelity. Hell, I wish I didn't either, actually I wish that no one ever had to know what this feels like.
I think I have more anger towards his ex than toward my h. That mother lion comes out. I picture him as that innocent little boy and it breaks my heart that he was hurt in this way. I don't know if I could contain my anger towards her if I ever run into her. I would if with my son, for him, not for her though. Wow, am I angry at her. Haven't had a chance to even think about her before. Amazing what goes on in the brain and you don't even realize.
I will keep my venom under control and focus the energy where it's needed. She did suffer consequences, she contracted a not so nice reminder and thankfully my son did not.
Back to happy, I am so excited I can't wait to talk to him. He works nights so I just have to wait for him to wake up. I have texted him about a million times already.
I am so relieved, happy, I would go help him move today!
And for him...maybe this lesson learned will put him ahead of many of us here. He'll know never to wrap himself around another person quite like that again. He'll shed codependency really young! LOL
I can feel your joy. Funny how life works. This just adds a whole layer of everything happens for a reason to the whole thing for you.
I hope your son finds happiness when he gets back around those that love him.
Rebreather said it already.... This pain will help him grow and mature earlier in life than you or I did.
Good news....thanks for sharing.
One really nice thing about today, I can actually feel happy. I can still feel that absolute joy!
What a gift!
I still have that inside me.
So many times it felt as if I were listening to my words come out of his mouth. He was experiencing all of the pain and self questioning and changes in perception, self doubt, It was heartbreaking.
I am so glad he is coming home. I am so grateful that I understand enough to be able to help him.
I think it will be good for both of us. Nothing gives a mother energy like the needs of her children.
My energy has been sorely lacking, hard to get motivated. Maybe I can find some motivation for him and carry it over for me. The idea of a body in motion...
I am so delighted to hear the joy in your "voice"! Truly awesome that you can feel that level of "happy" again.
Glad you will be able to provide support for one another. A "live" person/friend who's been through this mess can be so helpful. To have that "friend" in your son, and he in you, is a special gift (although one we all wish neither of you had or needed!)
Thrilled for your happiness!