I contacted my attorney about the call and was told there was nothing I could do unless he called back and I recorded it. Not the answer I was looking for but that was the answer.
Needless to say, his call really pinged my radar. The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got. It is not in my nature to leave something like this alone and ‘let it ride’ which is what my attorney advised. So I hired a PI firm in Atlanta to do a comprehensive background check on PhD POS.
Yup, it cost a few thousand and took almost a month but was well worth it.
The guy is a serial dulterer. The PI firm referred to him as a predator in the report. He appears to target middle aged married women that are working on a PhD by befriending them and becoming their mentor through the doctorial process.
The PI found three affairs since 2004 (that is as far back as they went). He is currently involved with a 49 year old married woman.
I’ve got pictures of them meeting for drinks, having romantic dinners, and making out in a parking lot. I have names and addresses of the other AP’s as well as the current one.
I’ve decided on a scorched earth policy. I am couriering notarized copies of the PI’s report to his dean, each member of the board of regents, and the college paper. I would really like him to lose his job but I doubt that will happen. I am also sending, again by courier, copies to his wife and his current target as well as her poor clueless husband. Everything will be delivered Friday. Yup, I’m really stirring the shitpot on this one.
The only thing I am still trying to decide is if I should send copies to the previous AP’s I know about.
I figure I’ll get a lot of flack in IC and MC about this, and probably better put on my armor before I read the posting/responses here on SI. But damnit, he started it. Now I’m going to finish it.
Her 'A' 1994(?) through 1998 D-Day 7/4/2013 Yes, I didn't find out for almost 15 years... but the pain is just as bad as if she were with him last week.
I think he may be busy playing CYA for a few weeks.
If you catch flack in IC or MC (especially MC) then I would change IC/MC. OM called to try to intimidate you. Guess that didn't work out so well for him You responded to his veiled threats with the truth, the facts.
p.s. Have a recorder on your phone ready because he may call again. If he does then you definitely want a record of it.
Is he a professor? Is he targeting women in his department? That's a possible sexual harassment case right there. Hope he doesn't have tenure -- it would be easier for him to lose his job. Has to be pretty egregious to get a tenured prof canned.
Doesn't let my WW off the hook, she fully admits to her role in it. She was shocked by the revelation, had thought she was having a "real affair" whatever that's supposed to mean.
I wish I'd known at the time, would have blown up his life and possibly saved a vast amount of heartache in the marriages he blew up after he fucked with ours.
And yes, I would contact the other APs and their BS if you can. Scorched earth!
[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:07 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:21 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
Consequences, baby, consequences.
You are on fire, dude, and you know what happens when you fuck with fire? You get BURNED!!!!!!
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson "She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
The PI firm referred to him as a predator in the report. He appears to target middle aged married women that are working on a PhD by befriending them and becoming their mentor through the doctorial process.
Wow. Everyone has to own their own actions in an affair - including any women who have engaged in an affair with him. No one forced them into it. But this is absolutely an abuse of his position as mentor if he is regularly on the prowl and sniffing around his students for weak boundaries. Urgh. Makes my flesh crawl to think of it.
My H's IC, he needed one to sort out what happened, told him the AP used the death of his mother and his job frustration to get going. How risky should be talking to an aquaintance about your mother's death and your job dissatisfaction be? Very risky if it is a sexual predator looking for something to use. She made him think she cared, then she moved into make him think they were soulmates destined to be together. I would bet your spouse got set up in a very similar way. While they are free to jump out at any time, the wounds in my spouse made him ripe for an A. The sexual predator can see a partner like a lion can spot a limp. I hold my H totally responsible for his actions, and boundaries have been set, but you cannot overlook the pattern of abuse by trusted people, a minister in my H's case and a scholar mentor in your spouse's case.
Will you stop this predator? Probably not. But, you will make his life difficult for a while. Good for you. You are my hero.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
told him the AP used the death of his mother and his job frustration to get going. How risky should be talking to an aquaintance about your mother's death and your job dissatisfaction be? Very risky if it is a sexual predator looking for something to use.
