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Newest Member: Findinghope101 (61130)

User Topic: I hate looking at photos from A season
♀ 38904
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I am looking at old photograps, 2 things cross my mind: I hate looking at those that are taken in “affair season”, and also, there is no visual sign, a facial expression that something is wrong.

I keep linking the pics to the period that turned out to be during the A. The pics show no sign of lesser activity; we met with friends, took the kids out, shopped for items for our house and took vacations. There is smiling and fun. No sign of someone’s mind wandering off. But my stomach has a knot when I look and realise he was “busy” elsewhere as well. He must be really good at this compartmentalization…

Posts: 727 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 39670
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Funny you should post this, I was just looking through pics on my computer last night with no thoughts of the A until I got to the folder that was taken the month it was heavy duty and my heart sank immediately. I instantly knew "these were taken before I knew" Class trip with the kids, memorial day parade, DD's softball season. I look at his face now in those pics and see the devil who was leading 2 lives with all these happy faces surrounding him. And to imagine myself standing there taking his photo wanting to capture these happy memories, telling him to say cheese, while she was on his mind. God, it's so awful

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 9:58 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't take many pix then but I have issues with events during A season, things we do annually. Going back to those places fills me with anxiety. Unfortunately since he chose a skank who's kids play the same sport as mine, every field has memories of me wondering wtf was wrong with him.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 38424
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not nice seeing these photos.

Hence, the reason why I deleted all photos with ex in, ever, including fb.

I have lots of photos of me and my children without him in them so I don't need to see the ones of him in being fake to me and my kids.

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
♀ 40298
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took down ALL pics of the two of us. I had some framed ones sitting around -- all gone. I hope someday to put them back out, but for now I don't want to see them.

He was gone this past March, in the thick of his A, and I found a frame that I had bought years ago that said, "I Love Us." While he was gone I put one of my favorite wedding pics in it and put it on his side of the bed for when he got home. Needless to say, seeing that after D-Day a month later is what made me take them all down. I felt so STUPID!

Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ 40798
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't look at pics but the online affair turned in to a meet on a business trip.We had taken a trip to that city last April and we stayed at a hotel that he stays at for business. She and he arranged to meet at the same hotel and get this.... he took her to our favorite restaurant!!!! that has totally not only ruined the memories of that trip for me but I have told him straight out that I hate him for taking her to "our spots" and I will NEVER go to that hotel or restaurant again. I will be lucky to even be able to go to that city again with him. Even harder as that is where we are both from. These men don't think about all of the poison they spill around in areas of their and our lives that will trigger us forever......

Me: 59
Him: 63
Together 5 years
D day May 13th 2013

Posts: 559 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 30817
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's really hard. I spent a lot of time scouring our photos from that year for signs. Signs that I was missing something.

Over time, most of them no longer trigger me. There are a few though that still make me sad. I tried exposure therapy, didn't work. My IC said I was nuts and to stop, lol.

I just put this in the box labeled "It Is What It Is." I can't change it. It happened. I won't let it hurt me anymore.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 8014 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Photographs are a huge deal in my house - it's my trade. I take photographs for a living and I HATE looking at 3 years of my life's pictures. Just last night my daughter wanted to see some old photos. She had me pull of Christmas 2011. Wow. OUCH! WH had taken a "break" from OW and had just recently gotten back in the affair with her at this time. thinking of how hard last Christmas was, thinking we were in R when he was lying still makes me now kinda dread the holidays agin. Not a fun battle for sure.

Both WH and I can see how different his posture and even his face was during the affair years. He looks "wrong" in every picture it seems. We can also see the damage the affair had on me through pictures - I changed a lot. My light left me during his affair.


Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce Fall 2016

Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an

Posts: 772 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Out of the ashes
♀ 32214
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I avoid pictures like the plague. The affair was over seven years, so there are lots of pictures during that time. I can't look at them, so photo albums are off limit. I don't know when I will ever be able to look at them. I have destroyed a lot of pictures that I know were during that time.

It is a terrible legacy of an affair.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1373 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
♂ 38103
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friend who is also going through this shit sandwich removed all photos that were taken during his WW's two A's.

My WW's A was 15 years long. Oldest of three is only 13, so not really an option for me. I have however removed all of WW's photos from my office. There is a family picture on the wall of our living room that I notice many times while watching TV. Middle child is sitting on WWs lap. I look into that photo and cannot believe the woman sitting there is/was capable of so much destruction.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 724 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Topic Posts: 10

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