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Birthing baby MY way

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stongmomof3 posted 11/5/2013 09:49 AM

I'm five months pregnant (profile explains more) short story 2.5 months after dday I was in the I will do anything to win him back be a great wife crap. We went out for our birthdays romantic getaway at B&B got super drunk and had unprotected sex. I was do drunk I didn't even care until the next morning I took the morning after pill and PRAYED. Neither worked lol . So here I am pregnant with my third (our second together ) and my anxiety has been out the roof. R has not gone well at all and we are still in IC and healing is taking its own sweet time (partially to blame on my stupid hormones I'm sure) I am definitely an attachment hippie type parenter (so is WH) . Two things that I am super proud of is having both children completely naturally without drugs and breast feeding both for 24 months . My labors were long and hard but oh so rewarding. I need complete peace , quiet , full relaxation and positive energy around me when I birth. I've not felt any of those since dday. WH makes me edgy , angry and sad. I've decided that I will labor alone with my midwife and then during actually pushing for delivery invite WH in to watch birth. Since coming to this decision I've had more peace . This is not to punish him in any way . This is so I ensure I don't trigger , get upset and stall my labor . I think this is exactly what I need to get my confidence back , primal womanhood back and have something to be very proud of in this horrible last year.
Any ideas on preparing myself mentally ? Remember I've done this before but both times had support . My midwife is fantastic and completely understands why this is so important to me.

BeyondBreaking posted 11/5/2013 10:16 AM

Do you have your mom, or a sister or best friend that you would be comfortable having in the room with you, or calling if things get difficult and you need somebody there for you?

Maybe you could make a playlist of inspiring, calming, and encouraging music you like?

I honestly know absolutely zero about labor. You are an amazingly strong woman and I am happy for you! You can do it!

stongmomof3 posted 11/5/2013 10:35 AM

I appreciate the kind words. I had actually thought about an awesome empowering playlist. I will get on that! I am very close to my mom and my sister , both were in the entire labors with my first two, it wasn't as helpful as I thought. My labors were very long and it got kind of annoying having them chatting, or just staring at me or them falling asleep. That said I would like for them to be in there if this was a normal time for WH and I. But I know if they were in there and he won't that would be heartbreaking to him. In no way am I trying to do this to punish him, I just really think my ego needs this right now. I have explained this all to him, and while he can't really understand he agrees this is for me and for a happy birth not him. He will be in waiting room in case it changes during.

Ostrich80 posted 11/5/2013 10:43 AM

I think your right, you need peace and concentration. You are a strong lady.
I have no ideas for anything else during labor as I was not very peaceful myself lol. Just wanted to say your very inspiring and it should be YOUR way since its YOUR body. Also, that's awfully thoughtful of you to allow him in at the birth...he should feel fortunate he gets to go in for that part.

StrongerOne posted 11/5/2013 11:09 AM

See if you can hire a doula, if you do not have a strong woman relative or friend to support you. I'm semi-granola -- had my child at a birthing center with nurse-midwives, water birth (not my original plan but I was NOT getting out of that tub when it came time to push ). The doula was *great*. She was there for *me*, whereas the midwife is there for the birth, if you see what I mean.

Your midwife may have some recommendations for you. My doula was a pediatric nurse studying to be a midwife, did our birthing classes. We really connected -- helped me focus, helped me figure out if I wanted/needed nubain, just **great**.

It is so empowering to give birth! I think your plan is a good one. You do not need to be thinking about anyone but yourself and the baby.

[This message edited by StrongerOne at 11:10 AM, November 5th (Tuesday)]

1Bite2Shy posted 11/6/2013 11:49 AM

Ditto the playlist.

I also just wanted to pop in and say I feel you. I'm currently pregnant with our third, a completely unplanned, Mini-pill AND morning after-pill failure surprise baby.

This pregnancy has been so very rocky, and while I have to have scheduled C-sections, the last time I was preparing for birth, my husband was online chatting with OW. Literally as I was getting an epi.

You can do it! I am so envious of your natural births. Kudos!

tushnurse posted 11/6/2013 11:56 AM

definitely get your music together, and look into a doula.

The Doula is there for you. They are usually very calming, and you meet with them multiple times beforehand so they get to know what your wishes are, and a feel for your personality.

dindy posted 11/6/2013 12:01 PM

I would highly recommend hiring a doula for emotional support. And the sooner you hire her the sooner she can be there for you on this emotional journey.

I had a doula for my second pregnancy and she was absolutely amazing. She was there for me and my baby.

Also, have you tried listening to any hypno-birthing cd's? They are a great way to help you focus and stay calm.

You sound like a wonderfully strong mama.

Good luck with the rest of your journey.

Holly-Isis posted 11/6/2013 14:01 PM

You might want to look at the book Birthing from Within. There are some exercises in there to deal with fears of childbirth. Usually it's to deal with negative feelings from a previous birth but you could focus on the feelings from having your H around.

I'm a fellow AP mama (soooo glad to use that pertaining to parenting rather than cheating for the first time in ages). One of my friends does unassisted births, so I know you can do with just a midwife if you need to. It will be empowering.

stongmomof3 posted 11/7/2013 14:49 PM

Thank you all for he support!!

OnAnIsland posted 11/7/2013 15:05 PM

Doula- look at and interview a few. You will figure out who is right for you. You want a good rapport and preferably someone you can share with. Our doula with our second boy was fabulous. She was a massage therapist as her other job, so nice benefits there. But more than that, we could share with her our hopes and fears. Our first birth was traumatic, after planning a natural birth. She helped me work through some of that, and figure out what I needed for peace with birth 2- both the ideal (which we had planned for before as well), but also kind of a less than ideal_ how we could still have peace even if everything went awry again. I see your situation reflecting that too- what is your ideal, how can this be healing and empowering for you regardless.

Good luck. You will do great.

Chippednotbroken posted 11/7/2013 15:19 PM

I went into labor before DDay but our M had been incredibly stressful already. I had told him I wasn't sure I wanted him there. He didnt take that we'll. he dropped me at the hospital and went take care of our other two thinking I would labor for awhile. I felt so calm at the hospital despite the pain that I had her within two hours. Never looked at my phone, missed all his calls and texts. Completely focused on myself and the baby. No medication no complications. I had music and a great nurse. I wouldn't change it for anything. Not even thinking about him made it wonderful. Probably would hurt WH to hear that but damn he has put me through the ringer.

stongmomof3 posted 11/7/2013 16:20 PM

chipped , that is AWESOME, just what I needed to hear. I've been reading about the sphincter law (in a May Gaskin) and hoping by having the negative and having months to prepare mentally this labor will go a lot faster. I am actually getting pumped to do this thang!

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