He has arranged a first appointment for MC for us next week. This is huge as for years he did nothing but complain about my failings but never help me.
I think we need MC now. I think the immediate disbelief has faded and I am so angry.
How dare he do this to me?
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
Because our emotions as BS are all over the place, I took the advice given here to make no major decisions for at least a year. I am almost to a year. It can and will get better if you and WH are doing the work. Hell mine wasn't really doing the work for the first 6months and even now I can't say he is the model WH. But I see progress and as long as that keeps happening, I can hang in there. Fixing things is not fast.
I am sorry you are having such a rough time of it. This is normal, even with consistent actions on the part of the WS.
Have you read "How Can I Forgive You?" by Janis Spring? That is a book that I would highly recommend. Dr. Spring really changed my perspective on forgiveness, and she has a pretty clear outline of the different types of forgiveness, the path to it, and the fact that you don't have to forgive in order to heal.
What are you currently doing for yourself? Are there some healthy activities that you enjoy (I'm going to go out on a limb and guess running)? Be gentle on yourself, and make sure you have that "you" time, in order to recharge and recoup.
Sending you strength.
But, it is a good reminder to live in the now. I tell my H I am going to be a bodhisattva by the time this is over. I do yoga, which helps. (Not the gentle flowy kind, the hot, sweaty, hard kind.)
My H is similarly remorseful, and doing everything he can to help. And yet, he is the same man that metaphorically set our house on fire -- for his own gratification/needs. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but I do think it gets better with time.
He is helping to rebuild the house, board by board. It hurts, and it is hard work, but I am hopeful.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 1:56 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
Another morning. Lots of stuff to deal with. I'm exhausted with it all. This R lark isn't for the faint hearted. Need some nice time together. After yesterday's anger and bile from me. We are both feeling quite wounded. I'm not going to be able to avoid anger and nor would I want to really but I can't live every day like that. Hope I get some calm today