Hi Mary... My story is much like yours. My WH had an EA lasting 3 months. It has been incredibly painful for me. As you said all the secrets and lies the texting. Spending time with her while I sat at home bored and lonely. My WH did not admit that he found her attractive, also denies he would have made the A physical. I truly believe it was just a matter of time and circumstance. This is usually a slippery slope.
He believes that it was not an A because there was no sex, even though his IC told him he was living in a very grey area.
I am sure that I have never received the whole truth, how would I ever really know if i had or had not other than instinct. I have decided to move forward as I do not want to loose a 25 yr marriage. My WH is remorseful for his actions and knows that he caused me great pain. He also knows that I no longer trust him. He is doing everything to make this right, but I have a new reality now. I don't know if I will ever move past the trust but verify stage. I also frequently wondering if there will be a next time.
For me that is the sticking point that is not allowing me to move forward completely...the wondering if there will be a next time, not the fact that I don't know if I have TT.
I hope we both find what we need and find the path we are meant to walk. (((Hugs)))