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User Topic: Nervous about second MC session
♀ 41073
Member # 41073
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our first session obviously started with the reason we were there - my husband's ONS. But we only talked about that for around 10 mins and the rest was very general about our whole relationship. It was a fact finding session for the counsellor so I get that. And at the time I was pleased about it because I came away from it positive that we will be able to reconcile and generally have a better marriage and that it isn't ALL about the ONS.

But we have our second session tonight and I am feeling nervous as don't know what to expect. Will see ask me how I am feeling? I don't know where to start. Things in one sense are getting back to normal between us and in another sense are far from it. But I just don't know how to put it into words.

Should my husband and I be talking about what we might bring up in MC? We have had my parents staying with us for a week so we haven't talked about how things are so I feel like anything I say may come as a surprise as he may be thinking that things are getting sorted. Which they are - but maybe not as sorted as he thinks. So should things said in MC come as a surprise to either of us or should we know in advance?

I just don't know how these sessions will go now - I am worried that she may not even mention the ONS and may just continue on the general improving our marriage thing. Surely she will but as it wasn't the focus of the initial session I worry that she will have forgotten about it. So then it will be down to one of us to bring it up - and I am really not very good at talking about my feelings so I could easily not mention it if nobody else does, which is stupid I know. I seem to only be able to open up if I am asked a specific question - if my husband or she asks 'how are things' I am likely to just say 'OK'. Which isn't very true.

I am looking forward to the session in one respect as we haven't had any time to talk in the past week or so - but nervous about it because of the things I have mentioned and I just don't know what to expect.

Me - 32
Him - 32
D-Day - 6th Oct 2013
He had a ONS on 23rd Sept 2013

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 37439
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 2:58 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to preface this with I'm in exam mode so sorry if I don't make much sense (not much sleep!)

A ONS is a huge deal (obviously) and if she was not going to cover it then you need a new MC

When I had MC (we only had about 6 sessions... if that) he didn't want to focus on the infidelity. That said there were safety issues in our relationship as well. Your MC is there for you and your wh not you there for for MC

I know you feel things are going well, and I truly hope you continue to feel that way. however don't be too harsh on yourself if that changes.

Also, it must be truly difficult with your parent's with you, I hope you are both able to put some time aside each night to discuss things though.

Don't stress about MC, assert your needs if it doesn't get covered

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 41222
Member # 41222
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chick, I think you express your feelings very well. Even if you were able to say:

if my husband or she asks 'how are things' I am likely to just say 'OK'. Which isn't very true.

It would be a good opener for a discussion. If you feel that the sessions aren't getting anywhere you have the right to say that. And yes you may need to find another MC. But the MC can only work with what you bring to the sessions so I would make the most of it.

[This message edited by KatieG at 3:36 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

DD#1 - Oct 13

"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" - CS Lewis

Posts: 792 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 41073
Member # 41073
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the reply KatieG, I am hoping that she didn't focus too much on it because it was the first session and she needed to understand our whole relationship before she knows how to deal with us so we will see how tonight goes. She does specialise in infidelity so I am probably being silly thinking that she will brush over it and I am maybe overthinking things.

I will try to be strong and honest with my feelings, there is no point in us paying a small fortune for these sessions if I am not going to put my full effort into them I suppose - I keep telling myself they are not supposed to feel comfortable all the time, it isn't nice to talk about what is wrong with you/your relationship.

Thanks again

Me - 32
Him - 32
D-Day - 6th Oct 2013
He had a ONS on 23rd Sept 2013

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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