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well now my day is ruined.

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Alyssamd24 posted 11/6/2013 07:43 AM

I had a dream about my xAP last night and I don't know why. It wasn't a sexual dream but it bothers me that I had it....and now has ruined my day and left me in a bad mood.

I feel guilty for having it but don't know what to even do about it

pointofnoreturn posted 11/6/2013 07:47 AM

Dreams are odd. Just keep in mind that during REM sleep, it is when your brain is processing memories and thoughts. It doesn't necessarily mean you're thinking of xAP or longing for them.

If you want you could tell your SO you had a NIGHTMARE.

HeartInADustpan posted 11/6/2013 07:51 AM

Don't beat yourself up about it. You can't control what you dream. I used to feel terrible when KB and I were first M because I'd occasionally dream about XWH#1. A decade of my life was dedicated to him, sure there were things my brain will process about him. I always told though. I agree...rack it up to a nightmare.

solus sto posted 11/6/2013 07:55 AM

Alyssa, don't give it that kind of power. Dreams are ... odd. They're just...brain garbage, sometimes. You didn't choose the dream. Some little neurological firing hit on a snippet of memory, and created the dream, all on its own.

You can't control it.

But still--I get it. Having your sleep invaded with a bad dream make you wake up off-kilter.

I hope as yours gets going, other things will shift your perception of the day. It needn't be ruined.

SlowUptake posted 11/6/2013 08:03 AM

You're cut up about dreaming of the xAP. That's a good thing.

JustDesserts posted 11/6/2013 08:11 AM

As suggested, your sub conscious is doing its "work".

Don't beat yourself up. That's not to suggest it isn't unsettling to wake up from one of those.

You came here, shared, and are in touch with the emotions.

That's healthy. Unsettling, unfun, but healthy.

Be gentle on yourself.


HardenMyHeart posted 11/6/2013 08:19 AM

I often say on this site, you can't control your thoughts, but you can control your actions.

With respect to the dream...Forget about it! It just means your subconscious is struggling with the guilt. Instead, go think of something special or romantic you can do for your BS. That should help put your mind on the right track again.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 8:48 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

Alyssamd24 posted 11/6/2013 11:20 AM

Thank you everyone! ! I know its silly to feel guilty about it cuz I can't control it....I just hate that it happened.

I have a friend who believes strongly that dreams have meaning so I think that's what freaked me out.

Luckily my day has gotten better....its gorgeous and warm outside and I got good news from my boss so things are turning around! !!

Skan posted 11/6/2013 19:45 PM

Glad that your day turned around! Listen, my FWH came to me in great distress a couple of days ago, because he had had a dream in which he knowingly told me a lie, and then had to fight off monsters, was constantly running away from something unknown, and the like. He was REALLY upset that he had dreamed about lying to me, knowing that that was a huge trigger for me.

I thanked him for coming to me and telling me about the dream. And then I told him that dreams are where you are supposed to work out your stressors, the things that are bothering you, and process feelings. The fact that he was hugely upset in his dream about lying and spent the rest of the dream fleeing from bad things told me that he's trying to process the why and internalize that it is a horrible thing. That you can't control your dreams. That I was really happy that in his dream that he mentally conjured up horrible things happening instead of life being all rosy and wonderful after lying.

And I think that's what you're doing. Processing. It's a necessary thing.

harrypotter posted 11/7/2013 04:16 AM

I recently went through about a week of short intense dreams that ranged from me falling off cliffs, saving my family from natural disasters etc. It was part of a very scary week for me. So, sure probably due to some of what I was going through. But like others have said with this mostly brain garbage. I know that I am constantly thinking about the effects of my affair and losing my family. But I still agree I wouldn't put much thought to it you can't control your dreams so I wouldn't feel guilty about them exactly especially since they were not sexual. I do understand that it's upsetting to you though, honestly I probably would also.

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