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Sleepy312 posted 11/6/2013 10:16 AM

No one is responding to the yoga at work thread, but I really need help. At the dinner table last night I sat across from H and asked him about work(new job).

I asked about secretaries. He kind of lied. He said he didn't have one that the finance person/office manager did everything for everyone(30 person office and 6 in his group). He said only one person had an admin.

I asked if she was 80(knowing she's 20 something), and he said no 22( I acted a little shocked because the secretary pool at the old job was all 60yo+ women). His response was oh maybe 24. I said oh, that's much better. I started asking a couple of pointed questions like who does this or that for you(things that involve me providing him with paperwork to submit). He got up and left the dinner table using the excuse to check on our son doing his homework. It was total avoidance.

Tonight is yoga at the office. He is obviously checking out this 20something online, and who knows what he's doing through his work email or phone. He's very protective of his phone again.

I want to address this yoga thing. I know about it from the HR person I deal with for reimbursements and I know about it because he was chatting about the girl with a single guy on ichat and sharing her instagram link.

He also mentioned that he could've ruined his life with a particular girl at a work party back in the summer, but "he's staying strong".

I am not ok with this cool guy act. He doesn't see that it's disrespectful and that he's checked out of our relationship even though he thinks I don't know.

The big question is how do I plan an exit strategy. I'm paralyzed hating my life, stuck in a new place with no support, and money is tight because of the move. hate.my.life.

Ostrich80 posted 11/6/2013 11:21 AM

Sounds shady to me. As far as an exit plan, do you want a D?
Or still wanting to R. Maybe filing will get his attention.. so these messages and stuff your seeing, is he aware you know?

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 11:23 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

Sleepy312 posted 11/6/2013 12:21 PM

No. He doesn't know that I know anything.

tushnurse posted 11/6/2013 12:28 PM

Sweety this is not behavior of a remorseful spouse, and you know that.

I would suggest you start focusing on you, and getting your little ducks in a neat row.

Keep getting your info however you are getting it, and keep letting it pile up.

Make an appointment with and go see a D attorney, as soon as possible. Find out how this can play out.
If you really want to R, then you can confront with the evidence you have and make your demands, and if you don't then you can just file.

It may mean going back to where you were before, to be near family and friends so you have support. That's ok.

YOU are doing what you can to R, but he obviously is acting like a kid who said sorry for breaking the window, and then turning around and laughing about it with his friends. Disrespectful as hell. He just wants you to forget about it and move on, so he can continue to behave like a pig.
YOU DESERVE MORE......Demand it.

((((and strength))))

Sleepy312 posted 11/6/2013 12:38 PM

He continues to gaslight me and lie. I know what I need to do but can't seem to make that first step. Ugh.