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Melian40 posted 11/6/2013 11:43 AM

Hi everyone, I am new, I ve been lurking around since September. I never thought that I would feel so much better when I am in this forum.
My story:
After my daughter's birth in December of 2005, I had postpartum depression, not the classic crying kind, but the closing to one's self, feeling emptiness kind.
I had no clue what I had, neither did my husband.
I was withdrawn from everything, (including him) and lived my life as a robot. I had some good moments, but the most part I was in a bad mood or in emptiness. There were also some stressful financial events that made our situation worse. My H tried to approach me but in vain. He thought I didn't want him, although I NEVER said that.
He was in a 5 day trip for work in June 2009 and had a 1.5 month afair after the trip. In August 2009 we went for vacations and he confessed everything, except he lied about who the OW was. He showed me a random woman on facebook and said she was from another town. I was devastated and had panic attacks due also to my untreated postpartum depression. He called it a bluff and since I couldn't find any clues, plus I was weak, I bought it. I treated my depression and we were doing great, until under some weird circumstances I found out that this wasn't a bluff and he confessed in 17th August 2013...
So, here I am, struggling with all this feelings you already feel and know.
Btw, the woman he showed me back then was good looking, the real OW is ugly. Funny, isn't it???

sadtoo posted 11/6/2013 12:39 PM

Welcome to SI. So sorry for the pain that brings you here.

One thing that is in your favor is that he has confessed. I think that is a good sign. Be sure to check out the healing library in the yellow box in the upper left hand corner. Lots of good info there. And keep posting. It helps!

Good luck.

tushnurse posted 11/6/2013 13:05 PM


Welcome to the best club no one ever planned on joining. I am guessing since you have been lurking for a while that you have done some reading, in the illustrious Healing Library, if not please do so.

I also strongly urge you to do a couple of things right off the bat, and that is to see your Dr. Update them on the situation with home, so that your depression is treated appropriately during this shit storm. In addition to that get tested for STD's. The second thing I tell everyone to do as BS is to see a D attorney. Find out what your rights are, your childs rights are, and how this would all play out should things not go as planned. Knowledge is power, and fear of the unknown can paralyze us with fear.

keep posting, ask questions, and make yourself go down to Fun and Games at least once a week to get a giggle or two.

((((and strength)))))

Melian40 posted 11/6/2013 13:33 PM

Ι 've read almost everything in Healing library.
I've checked the depression thing with my doctor.
It hasn't come back since it was treated in 2009.
Although I go through all this now, depression is still gone. Strange indeed...
About the STD, he said he used condom, but.. omg!
I should make an appointment with my doc soon.
Thankfully, my best friend is a layer if I need anything about D.
I forgot to tell you, a week after DD I kicked him out and he came back in an hour crying!
During the first weeks, when I was in huge anger, I told him that I deserve better and I will look for it.
During the first weeks I lost weight, I couldn't sleep, I lost my confidence, but now I feel much better, I regained my confidence, no more crying, I'm very cynical and much more calm. The funny thing is that: Instead of me checking his emails and mobile phone, he is checking mine. He thinks I will make a revenge affair...
What a mess, really.

megs56 posted 11/6/2013 13:44 PM

Hi. Welcome to SI. I am sorry for the reasons that you are here, but it is a great support forum. It sounds like you've already received some great advice, so I just wanted to send you a bunch of hugs. :) Take care.

tushnurse posted 11/6/2013 15:32 PM

Please get yourself tested, as your H has only proven one thing to you, and that is that Liars lie, and he is a liar.

The transference of checking up on you is not uncommon, please don't have a RA, that just makes a bigger mess of things, and shows that you are broken as well.

What is he doing to help you heal, to repair the M, and to fix himself?

It's good to have a friend that's a Lawyer, but until you have a real consultation you don't know where you stand really.

((((and strength))))

Melian40 posted 11/6/2013 16:56 PM

Thank you all for your responses.

I am financially independed and our assets are very clear. According to my lawyer friend there won't be any problems with that.
My WH and I have discussed that if there would be a D instead of R I wouldn't hurt him by not letting him seeing our daughter, for her sake, not his.
I don't want to make a revenge affair, because it doesn't offer anything good to ME, plus I'm better than this, but I can't say that I don't enjoy his fear about that.

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