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steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 5:56 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
After what I thought was 4 years of successful R. 
WS called me crying about an hour ago... then came home and told me "everything". I don't feel anything, yet. No. I am lying. I feel... relieved. I don't think I want to R, this time.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 6:07 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
I’m sorry – does that say he slept with a prostitute yesterday?
DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband
ThoughtIKnewYa ( member #18449) posted at 6:23 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 6:24 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
Kierst13 ( member #39197) posted at 6:28 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
He has kept you in false R for four years. He has lied about parts of himself to keep you from knowing he held onto the "high" of cheating until he could not say no to it any longer. He jumped from an EA (if he was honest the first time) straight to a PA with a prostitute. Hang on tight, there could be much more truth coming.
He has shown you who he is; believe him!
I am so sorry you are facing this again after what you believed to be successful R.
Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 6:30 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
I'm very sorry hun.
(((steadfast1973)))
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 6:30 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
It feels different than the last time. I am not angry. I am not sad. I am thinking of where I want me and my girls (10 and 12) to make our fresh start.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 6:36 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
WS called me crying about an hour ago..
Don't ya just love how they start crying when confessing? Like you are his parent or something.
There does come a time when you just KNOW you are done. You gave him 4 years. Priceless years.
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
painfulpast ( member #41038) posted at 6:42 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
(((((steadfast1973))))) I am so sorry you are hurting.
DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband
steadfast1973 (original poster member #24719) posted at 6:51 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Maybe it's shock (since I got the truth all at once at lunchtime today). But I am not hurting. All I feel is relief. And that has me so confused.
Me- 42- BS Him- 38- WH D-day#1 5/25/09 multi EAs, likely PA, trickle truth, d-day#2 11/06/13 Prostitute Separated 1/2017
"I've seen your flag on the marble arch, our love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah"
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 7:00 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
((((steadfast))))
It's ok to not feel. It's your brains way of keeping you safe. I can perfectly understand not wanting to R this go round.
I gave mine one shot, he ruins that he is gone. Or I am.
Perhaps you should start with a to do list.
1. Hefty bag his shit.
2. See a lawyer
3. Open a new bank account with just your name on it, and move half of all funds to it, it is yours.
4. Talk with him and figure out what you are going to tell the kids.
5. Make an appt to see the Dr, and get tested, and then to get any meds that you may need to navigate this.
We are here for you.
((((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 7:11 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Be strong and have faith that you are making the right decision, whatever you decide.
BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 7:25 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
All I feel is relief
That's what I felt when I was finally done.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
megs56 ( member #40791) posted at 7:42 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
(((steadfast1973)))
2013:
Me: BGF - 29
Him: WBF - 32
2014 - I broke up with him and now I am trying to heal.
Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 9:05 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Only you know when you are done.
And he will have NOTHING to say about it.
Asshat!!
Me: BSHim: WHDDay: LTEA Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
Truly ( member #40715) posted at 9:11 PM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2013
Oh. My. God.
I am so very, very sorry.
You feel relief? That may be because you now know it's time to move on.
This is my biggest fear. Yet another DD.
He is a cheat. It's his core competency. Believe him. And softly, but gently, the door closes.
(((((((steadfast))))))
There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens
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