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OW Mental Vent

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LadyLove posted 11/6/2013 14:17 PM

I'm about 13 months from DDay and I know I shouldn't give the OW space in my head but lately I just really hate that she's walking around thinking my WS never stopped loving her (they were HS sweethearts), that their 4 month PA was real, that he was in love with her that he didn't love me and that they belonged together. Yes, he said all of those things to her.. He has reassured me that he doesn't feel that way now and that it was all just an illusion and it wasn't real and he doesn't know why he told her he never stopped loving her because it wasn't true. I believe him, but I still hate that she is walking around thinking that all these things he said were true.

I know this because she facebooked me on DDay and said "hope your happy being married to someone who is in love with someone else".. and another message telling me that "our time together finally ended what was between us all those years", meaning he never stopped loving her.. I never responded, gave her crickets even when I wanted to cause her great bodily harm.. There has been NC on our side since DDay, but I've gotten 4 FB messages from her. Her last message to me was to let my WS know that her BS offed himself 48 hours earlier (he never knew of the A), because she thought my WS 'would want to know'.. my WS never knew her BS, never met him.. I can only guess that she wanted my WS to know that she was unencumbered now.. she still got crickets.. that was last May.

Does she get it now that it wasn't real and that he never meant those things he said since he's walked away from her without so much as a backwards glance? Or is she going to continue this fantasy in her head forever? I so wish we could send a NC letter discouraging any illusions she may still have, but its too late now and I don't want to open that pandoras box. I just want to choke her..

heartbroken2012 posted 11/6/2013 14:25 PM

That makes me mad for you.

I also give the OW way to much head space. Its tearing me apart.

You are not alone. I wish bodily harm as well. I never thought it possible to have so much hate.

stongmomof3 posted 11/6/2013 15:06 PM

I would have had to bite my tongue off to not say her BS Did that to escape her crazy ass.

stongmomof3 posted 11/6/2013 15:06 PM

I would have had to bite my tongue off to not say her BS Did that to escape her crazy ass.

Jrazz posted 11/6/2013 15:11 PM

Does she get it now that it wasn't real and that he never meant those things he said since he's walked away from her without so much as a backwards glance?


I'm willing to bet that the crickets get louder and louder till the message that she was truly meaningless sinks in.

(((LL)))

LadyLove posted 11/6/2013 15:12 PM

I'm sorry ((heatbroken)) I feel your pain.

strongmom - I actually suggested that very thing to my WS this morning.. Maybe she drove him to it.. I expressed my remorse at not outing the A to MOW BS. I feel that just maybe, if he had known what a POS he was married to he may have seen his life in a different light. Or he might've taken my WS with him.. we'll never know.

((Jrazz)) thank you for those words.. they do help

[This message edited by LadyLove at 3:16 PM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

notquiteoverit posted 11/6/2013 15:23 PM

Here's my take: She knows it wasn't real and just can't get over it an move on. She Facebooked you because she is angry and resentful that you "won" and just wanted to get a dig in. She doesn't really believe that your WS is still in love with her. She just wants YOU to think so. Remember, he walked away from her, and that really stings for her.

notquiteoverit posted 11/6/2013 15:25 PM

Oh, and do send her a No Contact letter. Short, direct and unemotional. I would mention that any further contact would be consider harassment and action will be taken.

crazyblindsided posted 11/6/2013 15:48 PM

Does she get it now that it wasn't real and that he never meant those things he said since he's walked away from her without so much as a backwards glance? Or is she going to continue this fantasy in her head forever?

Right? This is what I wonder and then I think let her stupid ass think it was real lurve. She can stay in unrequited love permanently for all I care. I actually hope she chokes on it.

MOW had the gall to tell me something similar. That I can't hold my WH hostage forever (like I have him chained to a wall ). She also let me know that he either does not love her or he is staying with me because I tried to commit suicide.

They just can't get over the fact that they lost their beloved prize if you can actually call it that.

Rebreather posted 11/6/2013 15:58 PM

I'm like CBS. Think of it this way:

She will spend her days mourning the loss of your spouse. Believing in something that isn't real and never existed. Pinning her hopes on that mistaken belief. Sad, full of angst and perhaps even despair. Oh, there's nothing I like more than an unremorseful AP full of angst and despair!

She will live a life of misery, while you move on with yours full of love, honesty and strength.

Let her rot in her faulty beliefs. Let her live a half life while yours becomes fuller and ricer by the moment.

momentintime posted 11/6/2013 16:18 PM

Hopefully if she does believe that bull-pucky, it will keep her from finding a real relatioship. She will be stuck looking backwards and wasting her life in her fantasy view of her lost great love. Your WS, nah.....not so much. He woke up, looked around and realized he had a great wife and life and dumped her sorry butt.

Yep, she sent the text to inform you WS she is now free and he needs to come claim her. Hope she waits a long time, like when hell freeze over.

LadyLove posted 11/6/2013 18:43 PM

Wow - you all are so great.. ((hugs)) Thanks so much for making me feel better.. I guess I know some of these things on a sane level, but sometimes we lose sight of sanity over the A shit we've been forced to endure.

And one other thing (keeping in mind that there had been NC for 7 months from WS) - what kind of MOW tries to contact a former AP (through his BS no less) less than two days after her own BS commits suicide? WTF is she thinking? Yay my BS is dead gotta get my AP back? Seriously that is some messed up shit right there..

Dreamland posted 11/7/2013 06:01 AM

Cheers and hugs your way...
I too have had that thing in my head too many times. More when my H touches me or vis a versa. I know my H doesn't give her one thought. He has moved on and I think we just need to do the same. But I hear ya it's hard sometimes
Last month we were at the same function. She kept coming around us and when she thought I was out of sight was starring at him. She was so engrossed she didn't even see me standing next to her. She's nuts he didn't even glance her way. I just went next to him a gave him a hug and kiss.
So I think you did everything perfect. You know she's is festering getting more rotten. Her BS probably knew of the A and she knows her impact. Yes she was hoping your WS would come running to her side.. Nope. Sorry he never gave a shit about you and she knows it.
Stay strong you doing great.. :)

LadyLove posted 11/7/2013 09:19 AM

((Dreamland))

Ostrich80 posted 11/7/2013 11:32 AM

She thinks she can plant that seed in your head and it will eff with you, make you doubt your M. She knows she lost and she's pissed because he left her in the dust.

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