I am happy you are filing, and filing now. If she takes off with the children without anything filed, you may not be able to get them back, and be "stuck" seeing them only EOW, or worse. From the sounds of it, that isn't what you would want for you and the kids.
The fact that she's racking up debt? Well, until filed, that is marital debt, and you will be responsible for half. You need to file now to protect yourself and your kids.
She wants her new life, she just doesn't want any of the consequences. You are suppose to keep putting up with her behaviour and just pay for everything. Nope. I know it's hard, but try to keep the emotional and the divorce separate. The divorce papers are business, and to protect yourself. Your emotions, you are allowed to feel whatever you feel, and deal with them in the way you need to. Just not when working on the D. Protect yourself, and expect her to do an about turn when she realizes her gravy train is ending. Don't be fooled into stopping the D.She would have to do much more than just say sorry at this point.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Half of what she's spending is yours. So half of the debt will be yours as well.
All of how she's behaving is wrong for you.
You are no more than training wheels for her under these conditions.
If she needs to behave like this, she needs to do it as a single person with her own time and her own money and from her own place.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I told her it felt like she was trying to push me far enough away to have her fun and not feel guilty, but keep me close enough to salvage if she decides to.
That's called cake-eating, i.e., she wants her cake and eat it too. You are her Plan B. DON'T BE PLAN B. It doesn't sound like she is remotely interested in saving the M, so move forward with your filing to protect yourself financially, as well as preventing her from running off with the kids. Just because you file doesn't necessarily mean you have to follow through if she decides to pull her head out of her ass and do the REAL work needed to R. Words are cheap and actions speak volumes. File and watch her actions.
Sorry you are here, but you will get a wealth of support to get you through this.
Filing is probably the best thing you can do. It tells her that you are serious about this. If she wants to R, she needs to cut off the OM and start working on the marriage. If not, then you need to protect yourself. Sounds like her behavior is turning self destructive, and you may not want the kids living with her when she moves.
Stay strong, and keep posting.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
When you file for D, it's not necessarily completely 'over.' Plenty of people R after filing for D. But unless her behavior changes, it's not likely.
It's not necessarily over when you file. It is a wake up call to your wife that she cannot have it all at the same time and at your expense.
If you want to keep getting the same response, keep doing the same thing. How's that working for you?
Take back your power.
Her actions do not signal R.
Is there any possibility she is undiagnosed bipolar?
What she is doing to you & your marriage is not acceptable.
Each of you is responsible for your marriage issues but she is the one driving the new car - the affair.
Don't let her run you over with it.
You can't "nice" her back to being a loving wife.
I've been around some people who are off meds for BP and it sucks all the air & energy from your life to deal with their behaviors.
I hope you have a good family support system.
Mojo for your Friday court filings! Keep your babies safe.
You will get through this.
She's just not leaving you with many options.
You can't help her if she won't admit she needs help.
Maybe you filing can shock her back to reality, but maybe not.
A woman who has BP stayed with me for a few weeks because she had nowhere else to go & I quite liked her as a person & wanted to help.
One morning I awoke to find her gone. She turned up about 1700 miles away a couple of days later, like it was completely normal to run off in the middle of the night.
Sounds like your W has done this before, so do you have a plan in case she runs with your children? (Not to be a downer.)
Do you have a voice activated recorder in case she tries to pull something? Any neighbors who could help if there's trouble?
She wants to move an hour away to be near her family. This means taking our children.
Not necessarily. The last 2 times she left, did she take the kids? If not, then you have a case to say she abandoned them and thus cannot move with them. You need to start documenting her every interaction with the kids from here on out. When she stays out all night and you watch the kids, when she leaves for days or weeks and leaves the kids behind, when she calls the kids, when she does not call the kids, when she visits the kids, when she does not visit the kids. etc. Document both the good and the bad, just document consistently.
Regardless, discuss this with you L and push to get temp orders ASAP that prevents her from taking the kids. Without a court order then she can do anything she wants.
Do not think of filing as putting an end to your M, think of it as protecting your kids and yourself while your WW self destructs. Because that is what she is doing right now, self destructing -- all in the name of "having fun" Been there, seen that too. It is not pretty to watch but you have to realize that there is nothing that you can do or say that will make her "get it". She has to do that on her own. And you need to protect yourself so you only have to watch from the sidelines rather than being caught in the cross fire, or worse watching your kids caught in the cross fire.
I am sorry for your pain
I'm not a lawyer & don't know about your state, but in some cases, it can be a bad idea to leave the house.
Is there a family member or friend you can be with tonight?