This Topic is Archived
ontheslope (original poster member #40574) posted at 4:23 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
Would just like some opinions on this if you please.
I have been in IC for over 2 years. I like my IC, but I'm getting to the point where I don't think she is helping much anymore. We talk about a lot of the same things over and over again and I just don't feel that I'm getting everything that I need from it.
So...I'm thinking about switching to a new IC. However, I'm worried about having to start over and get a new person to know me as well as my existing IC. I'm trying to think of this like 'getting a second opinion' from a doc. I'm just worried that I'll take 3 steps back and then go a long time without taking a step forward.
Thoughts?
Me: BH, 40, separated
Her: STBXWW, 41
Two girls 12 & 14
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009
She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.
rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 4:39 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
I got a new IC after mine encouraged me to "move on" 10 months after Dday. The next one gave me half a year of EMDR and that helped immensely. Even the first day she knew I was desperate.
IT takes a while to find the right one.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 6:57 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
If you feel like you've hit a dead end with your IC, but that you still need to see one, then I would go ahead and look for another IC. If you took a class in say, basic cooking, and at the end of the class decided that what you REALLY liked was baking, then you wouldn't hire the same teacher to teach you the same thing again. You'd go out and find a teacher that taught baking. Different people have different things to teach us. When you've learned all you can from one teacher/IC, thank them, and then move onto the next teaching.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Dreamboat ( member #10506) posted at 7:34 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
I saw my first IC for about 8-10 months, until we both felt that she had done everything she could for me. Then I took a break from IC and after 6-12 months of a break I started to see a new IC. My second IC covered different things than my first IC and I was in a different place and had different issues than when I was seeing my first IC. I saw my second IC for 18-24 months. Once again we both felt she had done everything she could for me.
I would have returned to my second IC at certain points since then when I was feeling low or a little lost, but she moved out of state.
IMO, if you feel that you have reached the limit where your IC can help then it is time to take a break and/or find someone else who may use a different approach. I did have to tell my story again to the second IC, but that only took one session.
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 10:49 PM on Thursday, November 7th, 2013
There are pluses and minuses about starting with someone new. One thing you can do with your current IC is to discuss your sense of no more progress - that could be a very fruitful discussion.
If she starts working with you to solve the problems, it may be best to continue with her. If she gets defensive or tries to hold on to you, it's probably best to leave.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
This Topic is Archived
