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Newest Member: NHope (61816)

User Topic: Starting over with new IC after 2+ years?
♂ 40574
Member # 40574
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would just like some opinions on this if you please.

I have been in IC for over 2 years. I like my IC, but I'm getting to the point where I don't think she is helping much anymore. We talk about a lot of the same things over and over again and I just don't feel that I'm getting everything that I need from it.

So...I'm thinking about switching to a new IC. However, I'm worried about having to start over and get a new person to know me as well as my existing IC. I'm trying to think of this like 'getting a second opinion' from a doc. I'm just worried that I'll take 3 steps back and then go a long time without taking a step forward.


Me: BH, 36
Her: WW, 37
Two girls 8 & 10
Married 12 years
Dday: July, 2009

She wants answers... I'm still trying to figure out what the questions are.

Posts: 315 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Maine, USA
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a new IC after mine encouraged me to "move on" 10 months after Dday. The next one gave me half a year of EMDR and that helped immensely. Even the first day she knew I was desperate.
IT takes a while to find the right one.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you feel like you've hit a dead end with your IC, but that you still need to see one, then I would go ahead and look for another IC. If you took a class in say, basic cooking, and at the end of the class decided that what you REALLY liked was baking, then you wouldn't hire the same teacher to teach you the same thing again. You'd go out and find a teacher that taught baking. Different people have different things to teach us. When you've learned all you can from one teacher/IC, thank them, and then move onto the next teaching.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10173 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw my first IC for about 8-10 months, until we both felt that she had done everything she could for me. Then I took a break from IC and after 6-12 months of a break I started to see a new IC. My second IC covered different things than my first IC and I was in a different place and had different issues than when I was seeing my first IC. I saw my second IC for 18-24 months. Once again we both felt she had done everything she could for me.

I would have returned to my second IC at certain points since then when I was feeling low or a little lost, but she moved out of state.

IMO, if you feel that you have reached the limit where your IC can help then it is time to take a break and/or find someone else who may use a different approach. I did have to tell my story again to the second IC, but that only took one session.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are pluses and minuses about starting with someone new. One thing you can do with your current IC is to discuss your sense of no more progress - that could be a very fruitful discussion.

If she starts working with you to solve the problems, it may be best to continue with her. If she gets defensive or tries to hold on to you, it's probably best to leave.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17064 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 5

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