I did understand this:
Part of me wants to apologies for getting better cause How dare I think I deserve anything
and I am responding only to say that you deserve to get better if you want it. Everyone - EVERYONE - that is taking the risks of looking inward and trying to improve on what they see deserves to get better and find peace.
Looking inward can be scary for everyone. WSs don't have the market cornered on inner demons, they've just seen a real action that requires some immediate attention. Most of us are left to just ignore all those things that make silence so unbearable.
So don't you think for a second that you don't deserve to get better, find some peace, and some happiness. These things are deserved by everyone willing to put in the effort.
Keep working toward your goal. Do something special for YOU tonight or tomorrow. I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. You deserve to be happy in your M and with your family. Please remember that!
Joanh - I hope you will find a way to trust. It is a risk to do so, but the rewards are worth it.
[This message edited by JustDesserts at 1:22 PM, November 8th (Friday)]