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XH 1st OW died-trigger feelings ever go away?

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philly172 posted 11/7/2013 15:01 PM

I can not believe what a trigger it was this AM when I opened the newspaper & read in the obituaries that my EX H 1st had died... Now my EXH & I have been divorced for over 21 years & I've been married to WH for 21 years but just seeing her face made all of those old feelings come back.. Everything!! I remember going to one of my EX H co-workers going away party & watching her walk in & just the way she spoke to my EX & the way she looked at him, I knew!.. I confronted on the way home in the car & he admitted it instantly that they were having an EA mainly with some kissing.. I tried to jump out of the (moving) car just to get away from him..

I remember him telling me he wanted to have a couple days to think what he wanted to do.. if he wanted me or her.. & I was so strong then, I told him if he needed to think, then I didn't want to be any part of his life..

I remember calling her at work & confronting her & threatening to tell her H ( which I did) she was apologetic & I have to say in defense of both of them.. they went NC that day & NEVER ever broke it ..

EXH came home, begged forgiveness & answered EVERY question NUMEROUS times without any defenses.. we went to MC & really worked on the M.. (little did I know that less than a year later he would be in another A)

Anyway, I am still kinda shaken up.. not because of her dying (she was only 49YO) but my rush of feelings.. the ick A feeling... Now, my EXH married OW2 & I harbor no ill/ ick feelings about her.. I have run into them in stores etc & I feel nothing.. but today?? a different story... the hatred I felt for both EXH & OW1 came flooding back & then the hatred I feel for what current WH & his OW did were added on top of it. Then I felt bad as OW1 is dead & I'm having ick feelings about her

does a BS ever truly lose those ick feelings or is this something I just will have to deal with for the rest of my life???

My MIL was also on her way in to town (she's here now) so maybe that added to those weird feelings but I'm feeling so down that I will never be able to put what WH did in the past if I still have ick feelings from my EX's A...

thanks for letting me vent & I'd love to hear some stories from BS who were truly able to put the A in the past & those ick feelings don't come around!!

Simple posted 11/7/2013 17:48 PM

The strongest memories are those associated with the most intense emotions. So we should not be surprised eh? Yea right .

I don't know else to say but hugs your way and we're here for you. Maybe take a deep breath. We don't want to look like bitter women with wrinkles. We want to look refreshed and young and vibrant. We own our happiness, baby!!!

Hugs again.

annb posted 11/7/2013 17:51 PM

philly, my cousin's first husband cheated on her. This had to be about 35+ years ago.

My cousin has been happily remarried for the past 30 years.

One day she and I had a quiet discussion about the hell her EX put her through, and tears just began to fall from her eyes. The floodgates of emotion just burst with all that pain. She told me she rarely thinks about that time in her life, she is so happy and content with her current husband and her new life.

So I don't think anything is wrong with you, something triggered those painful memories.


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