Initially we slept in the same bed. But I was insomniac knowing what had happened and what was going on. When I asked her if she was having trouble sleeping, she simply said ' no'. I asked her to sleep on a downstairs couch until she moved out and she said 'yes'.
None of betrayal, infidelity and divorce is fun. But that was the worst and most creepy thing I've experienced.
I think she said 'yes' when she did and slept on the couch and then moved out out of guilt. But who really knows?
Maybe you can use that.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I'm sorry about the painful position you are in. If I had filed when we still lived under the same roof (we were/separated) it would have been hell, as I know my STBXWW would have made scenes that would upset the kids. (Even now she has no qualms about doing this.).
My advice is to separate if at all possible to avoid such conflict; divorce, as I have found out, brings out shocking, ugly sides, especially from cheating spouses who hate you now that you have asserted control. If there is a legal way to remove yourself and the children from his presence, please pursue it.
I wish you the best.
[This message edited by Abbondad at 4:50 PM, November 7th (Thursday)]
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
If you stay under the same roof, please do everything you can to protect yourself physically, emotionally and legally. Once you start ending the M, your spouse is no longer on your side. They become focused on protecting themselves and their interests. It's a strong word, but they become the enemy.
In my situation, my spouse lied, filed a fake police report, bullied, threatened and intimidated me. He brought OW to our home one night when I was there. I had to record everything (which didn't matter, it's not legal in my state without both parties consenting). He stooped lower than I ever thought he could.
It's best if you have a solution to physically separate just so you can have peace and a safe haven as you go through this painful and challenging process.
It can be done. Good luck - you need it
I used that time to plan my exit. I arranged to have him served at the time/place of my choosing. I was able to put my safety plan in action so my kids & I were out of town (in case he became violent).
It can be done. I needed it to be done that way. I had no friends, no family for hundreds of miles.
I tell you, those two weeks (not a full two weeks, but felt a lifetime) gave me such insight into what it's like to live a lie. To have such a secret in one's heart is devastating. It gave me even more validation that I couldn't be married to him any longer. I didn't and don't ever again want someone in my life who can walk around with that level of deception FOR FUCKING YEARS and act like everything is just fine. That level of deception is terrifying. Anyone who can do it, who CHOOSES to do it so they can cheat on their spouse, is a scary person.
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 10:05 AM, November 9th (Saturday)]