Some background. I'm doing really well with divorce/infidelity issues. Still some hanging on stuff i'm dealing with but overall very well.
One current dilemma is me dealing with my ex wife who is so friendly all the time. Like, wants to talk about the kids too much, lingers after dropping stuff off, whatever. To me, I see this behavior as her trying to get something from me. Validation? idk. I feel like by being nice to her I'm absolving her of any blame, responsibility or whatever. It bothers me and i'm often afraid to not be nice because I don't want our coparenting to become shitty. So sometimes I wonder if i'm too nice and if my boundaries are still weak. My SO thinks exw wants her cake and eat it to. Like, she still wants me to love her and have OM living with her. I don't know, my SO is pretty reasonable so it's not impossible. Either way, I need to tell exw to back off some.
Anyway, so I'm trying to have better boundaries without being a dick. The following texts are about custody arrangements over thanksgiving and the following weekend which are 4 days of ballet performances for the girls and myself (I participate in the performance).
Typically, we split holidays so that kids can spend time with each extended family. It's always me being flexible around her family's schedule. No big deal, my family is laid back BUT a boundary issue where she can take advantage so an area i'm sensitive to. Also, the kids were with me last ballet gig and since I'm a man I can't go in the dressing room and help with hair so mom comes and does it.
Here's the text exchange in response to her passively asking what my plans for thanksgiving are, same as always, knowing full well what days she wants and probably they conflict or she wouldn't ask. She's fishing. I wait an hour or so and respond:
G: I can flip that week, but i will have them 3 weekends in a row. you will get them onday the 25-fri the 29th. (NOTE, I am scheduled to have them 27-29, she asked to have them on my days and me take her weekend. It is not insignificant that she has to work that weekend and is always scrambling for her family to act as child care)
ex: I can take them either of those weekends
G: it would be too long with out them and its better they're with me for ballet.
ex: is it? [dramatic pause] I figured I may help them with make up and hair since you don't do the dressing rooms.
G: Again, I would go two weekends without them. and hair and makeup that big a deal anymore? Cant another mom help?
G: I'm done.
Any comments? Am I reading too much into it? Being too nice still? Be honest, I can take it.