I'm posting here after many months of not saying anything. I've gotten several email so I wanted to just give an update.
I'm the one that kept asking if it's possible after the affair to just end it, how can my FWH do that? Always wondering if there had been contact.
Well, the first week after d-day I did check his phone and nothing. I do believe there was a short time of NC. After that I never checked again, I can't live that way. Fast forward to July of this year (8 months in) I know his OW settled her accident case and as her physician my WH said the attorney would be handling all of it. The day came and went and he said there was NC from her. I asked him 100 times during these 8 months!!! Finally, 2 weeks after her case settled I felt I was losing my mind so I checked the phone. 2 phone calls 2 weeks after d-day and then one whole day of texting 2 days after her case went to court. Apparently she was thanking him. Barf!!!
I ended up checking all records and that was all I found! It took hours!
Long story short, I confronted him and also asked him to leave,he would not leave. He said he only spoke with her those few times because she called and he was still afraid of her professionally ruining him (he still could have told me!!)
He also added that he lied to her saying he missed her so she wouldn't do anything crazy.
He got on the ground and begged me not to make him leave, he said what can I do to prove I haven't seen her and I don't want to be with her? I said "you can call her right now and don't tell her I'm in the room" it was 11:30pm so idk if she would realize I was around or not...anyway, he got on the phone with her and said "you know I never have intended to leave my wife, and I love her & I haven't seem you since last fall and I haven't initiated contact at all right? She said yes. He then said "the contact has to stop, I have been afraid that you would hurt me and my family so I didn't tell my wife we spoke those few times but now I have to be honest with her. I have done nothing but lie to you out of fear all along, I am blocking your # please do not call or text me ever again. And they got off the phone.
The next day I called her myself, I had her verify that she had not seen him (again) and that he did not initiate the contact. She said she In fact had initiated and that he never led her to believe that he was leaving (like that mattered) she also apologized and said she would not contact him again. I said a few things also but you get the drift, she got the message!!!
I also made WH call some of his family members and tell them the truth about the affair.
Since this time we are still R but my decision has not been made. I still know where he is at all times, he still sends the pic texts....and feel we started over but I have to consider my kids & family in my decision so I'm not willing to make a rash decision.
This has been a very difficult 3 months, I'm just taking it one moment at a time.
2 sons- 26&22 years
2 daughters-24&9 years
Married 9 years,together 15 years
Trying to R