I wrote this: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=508520&HL=40727 awhile back.
After a ton of tears, talking, etc, my husband started being nice. He told me he realized he needed to snap out of it. Saying how much he loved me, didn't want me to doubt his commitment,I'm the best thing to happen to him, etc. He even gave me a nice card saying how special I am.
This went on for two weeks and he stopped jogging with the possible OW. Then after Halloween they went jogging and I was sort of (but not really) OK with it. He then asked if I cared if they went out together. I said I didn't want him to but I wasn't going to tell him what he can and can't do because I don't want to be a bitch. I said he had to decide what he thought was right and what was wrong but no I don't think it was the smart or loving thing to do if he's trying to win my trust back. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. I don't know.
Anyways. They went out while I was staying with my sis because I said I wouldn't be there for that. It didn't even bother me to a degree because I'm exhausted from emotional pain. I couldn't get a hold of him until midnight and when I came home the next day I pretty much blew up at him over not even caring enough to text me. He apologized, said he handled it wrong, etc. Everything was sort of OK in the sense that he was being friendly.
Then he went to therapy and after that he's being cold again. He doesn't answer when I ask if he wants to stay married, if he will stop doing this, etc. He's just distant and wants me to fake being OK throughout the holidays and he's still in therapy trying to work it out.
I don't know that he slept with this OW but I told him it's emotional whether he realizes it or not. My husband is having a midlife crisis too, that much is obvious. However, I want to salvage our marriage. We've been together since we were 19 and we're 34 now. I love him, he's all I know and I'm terrified to be without him.
So why would he be nice to me if he's just going to turn around and be mean to me again? Is therapy likely to help him? (I'm in therapy too and we've gone together a few times). Has anyone else BTDT? Do you see any hope for me?
Sorry I just need to vent. I'm confused, hurt and almost numb at this point.
Edit:We talked and the most he will tell me right now is he doesn't know if he wants to stay married to me. This sucks.
[This message edited by Feelingsolost at 6:20 PM, November 8th (Friday)]