Anyone else having this issue?
We are 1 month since D Day and separated while R. He had an affair for 2 years while I was pregnant, and breastfeeding our son at home, and working my but off at work and school. Our marriage was in bad shape during that time, and he just "couldnt handle" our reality so he ran away by going out with friends and seeing the OW.
Needless to say I was resentful of not having more help from him without even knowing about the A. Now that I know, it makes me hate him. I was having just as hard of a time dealing with our reality, but I stuck it out and did what needed to be done. I had just as many needs emotionally and sexually that went unfulfilled.
Now I feel like it's totally unfair because he got to release all that tension and go have a great time, and now he is ready to R.
I didnt. I want to feel good to. Now I am consumed by this desire to go have sex with other men. Just for fun! I don't know if its out of revenge or what. I used to feel guilty for having these thoughts, but now, I have no guilt whatsoever. So much of me feels like thats what he deserves and If we are "even" so to speak, it would help me not feel so walked on.
I of course wont act on these feelings, but I cant help but feel resentful of the fact that he got to go get his jollies while I kept our home in order.
Is anyone else experiencing these feelings? How did you handle them?