I haven't posted on this site for a year, but I read here almost daily. I guess because tomorrow will be 3 years since D day I just need to say some things and I know I can say it here so here it goes.
On 11/9/2010 my life was shattered, blown up, shredded beyond recognition. I'm still in pain, although the pain is not the intense, deep pain of the early days, its more of a throbbing ache. I wake up more days than not with a knot in my stomach and think "shit, this is still my life".
I was so optimistic in the beginning, thinking "we can do this, we can love each other better". Trying to pick up the pieces of your life after an affair is truly the hardest thing I have ever done.
What I've learned the last 3 years:
I'm pretty sure it is possible to die from a broken heart.
You really can physically feel your heart breaking.
That I may never forgive.
That I really am very strong but also very weak.
That the control I thought I had of my life was an illusion.
That taking the high road doesn't always feel good.
That whoever said it takes 2-5 years to recover from an affair is a wise person and not the crazy person I thought when I heard it the first time.
That life is just not fair and it sucks and I just want to go through it with someone who will hold my hand and have my back and never lie to me.
I'm just sad today and I think I just need to feel it, to cry for my losses.