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Newest Member: Jasnah (61860)

User Topic: why do I try
♂ 37664
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ic suggested I take a trip with my Ww to reconnect. So I asked my WW this " let's go away for the thanksgiving weekend . Both of our family are not have activities so it would be a good time to go and reconnect" my WW told me this " I all way's go shopping on black friday and I will be tired on saturday " wow really shopping over your marriage ?

married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty

Posts: 228 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
♀ 39772
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so sorry
my ex made hurtful comments like that that never reconciled with the man I knew pre-Affair

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 37575
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, November 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry, I can see why you wondering why you should try.
Of course nothing should come in the way of spending time together, especially something as dumb as shopping.

Do you wonder if she is avoiding spending time with you? I tried to plan a weekend away a couple months ago and it was a disaster. We argued and it was a mess. I think my WH was nervous about getting "too close". He has issues obviously.
Recently we tried it again and it was great. I wonder if waywards get anxious about letting their guard down? I know my WH was so worried we would get in a fight and we did.

I think you should keep trying to take that trip. Maybe even a 24 hour get away? Good luck!

Me: BW Him: FWH in our 50's
DDay June 1st 2012
cheated with prostitutes overseas

Posts: 700 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk to her. Tell her how that makes you feel. Express what her saying that does to your hopes of true R.

My H and I just had a similar experience, holy crap these things are hard and hurtful! But we did it, we got through it... I cried and even broke a glass (for the first time ever, in my life).

And as soon as he "got it" a thousand pound weight lifted off me. But we never would gotten there without talking. Sharing your feelings is so hard, I find it almost physically painful at times, but it really works.

The other part here is that you are the BS, you put yourself out there to your WW and her response felt like a rejection. (OK I'm projecting here, that's how it would feel to me) She NEEDS to understand that.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
♀ 40462
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Make sure she gets it. Tell her you think she just chose shopping over your M, and how hurtful that is during this delicate recovery. She may not have seen it this way, but if she is working to R and learned how to listen without defending, she should be able to see your point if you tell her calmly about it.

Hugs and luck to you.

me, BW: 37
FWH: 38
together 19 years, M 13 years
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 6 and 9

Posts: 530 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
Topic Posts: 5

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