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hopefulmother posted 11/9/2013 00:14 AM

14 months into R. Still being bothered at times...how if we are your world...then why can you give yourself the green light to cheat and lose everything....

Just a thought...I know...my husbands answer..

It felt good. It was like a drug. I had low self-confidence/esteem. We were in a rut with an infant and toddler. We were both depressed. I have bad coping skills...blah...blah...

But, I still have problems with it since...after all (we are your world)

How can you say, "You mean everything to me." or "We are your world."? How important is that really? If you are willing to cheat and lose it for so little?

Sorry...trigger day...but still pushing through...giving fWH the benefit of the doubt and trying so hard to believe that I mean that much to him.

I really just want to go upstairs and smack him with a frying pan (well maybe a pillow) while he is sleeping. Such a dumb ass.

[This message edited by hopefulmother at 12:15 AM, November 9th (Saturday)]

karmahappens posted 11/9/2013 02:08 AM

I am sorry you are here and suffering.

It's late and I don't have much to offer, except...choose the frying pan.

Seriously though, your husband probably does have bad coping skills and low self esteem, who knows what else. Thats why IC is so important. He needs to find out what made it ok for him to escape to an A.

It isn't about you, and you may be his world. He more than likely has the ability to compartmentalize (to separate something into parts and not allow those parts to mix together)

His life with you is stored neatly away while he goes out and leads his A life, when he returns the A goes into his little box, tucked quietly where it wont be found or be able to bother his conscience. It's a way many cheaters cope.

Unfortunately many WS's dont think about their spouses and families when entering into an A. They don't think they will get caught or they have hidden the feelings away.

It isn't about you, at all.

(((hugs)))

hopefulmother posted 11/9/2013 09:41 AM

Thanks Karmahappens, been a while since I have posted and heard from you. I remember the name. The nice thing is, that after a year...the triggers don't last as long.

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