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I think I'm there.

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Lostinthismess posted 11/9/2013 00:58 AM

I feel like I slipped into full reconciliation. I had an appointment with a lawyer. I wanted a divorce. I wanted to know how I could possibly make it work. We've a had 'full disclosure' policy between us, so I told him about the appointment. I wasn't hiding it. And then a situation happened, I thought no contact had been broken. And I knew if what i thought was true was, I was leaving. I knew if he lied and then came clean, I was leaving. And then I learned it wasn't true..... And I was staying. An epiphany of sorts. I knew then I was staying. And I knew that if he fucked me over again I was leaving. That simple. It didn't matter what the lawyer said. It didn't matter what was 'possible' financially. I knew those were my lines. I drew them in the sand at that moment. And I knew I was going to let him try. Try to do every thing he promised. Be the person he promised he would be. I'm not foolish enough to think that process will be seamless. But I think I know my lines now. And I feel lighter for it. I feel relieved, like I can finally take a deep breath. It still scares the shit out of me. Like I've relax a small amount and that will be my fatal flaw that destroys me. But at some point the grip has to lessen and I'm tired of holding so tight.

karmahappens posted 11/9/2013 01:33 AM

Congratulations on your leap of faith :)

It is a hard decision, but when you come to it and it feels right things feel good.

We never know when we begin R how things will end, so remember to be good to you along the way.

Be sure he knows the line in the sand and be sure he knows the consequences.

Good luck!!

TheAmazingWondertwin posted 11/9/2013 07:34 AM

Congratulations- what a step!
I do remember feeling that- I hold on to that feeling - to that decision and it helps me stay strong. The clamp on my chest loosened and my mind calmed down so much. It is still shaky as we navigate through this, but that "click" that you just described was a game changer for us- in such a good way. You found yourself- that's what happened. You have been asking yourself "what should I do?" And you just got your answer.
Hugs and hugs and hugs to you- I wish you only the best.

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