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Newest Member: meepsy (46028)

User Topic: 180 Questions
StormyPrincess
♀ 41224
Member # 41224
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I'm almost two weeks in to the mess. I'm wanting to do this 180. So, yesterday, I decided I'd go do something fun by myself. WH had texted and asked what I was doing and I told him I was on my way out to go do my activity. His text sounded alarmed that I could go do something alone! I didn't text back right away and he got upset.

Later in the day, he called to say he was running some errands and did I want him to pick up anything for me? I said no then he said "love you". All I said was "I know" and hung up.

Last night he was following me around the house like a puppy. Finally, I get into bed and he asks why I couldn't say "love you" back to him. I said, "I know you love me, love you too".

Is this all normal? How do I respond to this stuff? I really do love him still but the 180 article says I don't have to say it. Sorry I'm rambling. I'm just still not clear on how to do this 180 thing. If there is a good post on it, will one of you link me to it since I'm not seeing it? Thanks in advance. Happy Serenity Saturday!


StormyPrincess
Me: BW 47
Him: WS 40 (Had EA with COW...less than 3 months in duration), NC in place.
Married: 17+ yrs; together 19+years
2 DD's; 1 DS; 1 crazy dog
R: Working on it with all we've got

Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Merlin
♂ 30221
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You respond to any reaction to your 180 efforts as an independent, whole person engaged in things that make you happy and promote your interests.

Your wanderer needs to figure out what that means to them. And you have no obligation to help them with that.

Meanwhile, you keep the focus on you - your interests, your happiness, which is precisely where your focus belongs.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
StormyPrincess
♀ 41224
Member # 41224
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Merlin. It did feel good to go off and do something that I hadn't done in a while. Something for me. WH is at work right now so it's quiet. I'm going to go get groceries and try not to think about any of this and just concentrate on having a happy day. Thanks for reminding me of what my focus needs to be.


StormyPrincess
Me: BW 47
Him: WS 40 (Had EA with COW...less than 3 months in duration), NC in place.
Married: 17+ yrs; together 19+years
2 DD's; 1 DS; 1 crazy dog
R: Working on it with all we've got

Posts: 31 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
greengiant
♂ 41196
Member # 41196
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At one point, I did something like this. 2 weeks after Dday, she had been "sorry", but at the same point distant. So one night I've decided to talk with someone about what I was living, and then I went to a restaurant alone and ordered my favourite meal. I came home 4 hours late, and she was trying to reach me on my cell phone every 15 minutes. I dind't answered, I was enjoying my time and didn't want her to mess with my only enjoyable time in 2 weeks.

When I came into our house, she was devastated. She thought I left or had an accident. I told her she took a lot of bad decision by herself, and only thought of herself. I said that as for now, I would think about me first. After this night, she truly realized what she had done and what she could have lost. She's still working on herself, but at least she changed her attitude.

I think you are doing the right thing!


ME - BS - 34 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 34 (33 on dDay)
Married 9 years, together 16
3 kids: 7, 5 and 3
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

Posts: 145 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Quebec, Canada
AlexFL
♂ 40966
Member # 40966
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where is the 180 article. I can find it.

Posts: 146 | Registered: Oct 2013
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alex, sent you a PM.

Stormy, use as much or as little of the 180 as you need to provide yourself with the room and strength you need to decide what it is you need. Don't try to use it to change him. It's for you!

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3302 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Girlygirly2006
♀ 41183
Member # 41183
Default  Posted: 3:32 AM, November 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't find thus 180 either please send me a link thank you x

Posts: 23 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: England
Topic Posts: 7

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