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Just Found Out :
180 Questions

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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 1:12 PM on Saturday, November 9th, 2013

So I'm almost two weeks in to the mess. I'm wanting to do this 180. So, yesterday, I decided I'd go do something fun by myself. WH had texted and asked what I was doing and I told him I was on my way out to go do my activity. His text sounded alarmed that I could go do something alone! I didn't text back right away and he got upset.

Later in the day, he called to say he was running some errands and did I want him to pick up anything for me? I said no then he said "love you". All I said was "I know" and hung up.

Last night he was following me around the house like a puppy. Finally, I get into bed and he asks why I couldn't say "love you" back to him. I said, "I know you love me, love you too".

Is this all normal? How do I respond to this stuff? I really do love him still but the 180 article says I don't have to say it. Sorry I'm rambling. I'm just still not clear on how to do this 180 thing. If there is a good post on it, will one of you link me to it since I'm not seeing it? Thanks in advance. Happy Serenity Saturday!

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6555671
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Merlin ( member #30221) posted at 1:44 PM on Saturday, November 9th, 2013

You respond to any reaction to your 180 efforts as an independent, whole person engaged in things that make you happy and promote your interests.

Your wanderer needs to figure out what that means to them. And you have no obligation to help them with that.

Meanwhile, you keep the focus on you - your interests, your happiness, which is precisely where your focus belongs.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

posts: 1164   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2010   ·   location: East Coast
id 6555697
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 StormyPrincess (original poster member #41224) posted at 2:00 PM on Saturday, November 9th, 2013

Thank you Merlin. It did feel good to go off and do something that I hadn't done in a while. Something for me. WH is at work right now so it's quiet. I'm going to go get groceries and try not to think about any of this and just concentrate on having a happy day. Thanks for reminding me of what my focus needs to be.

StormyPrincess
Me: B exW 50 something
Him: XWH 40 something

Married: 20+ yrs; now divorced!!
2 DD; 1DS

posts: 198   ·   registered: Nov. 4th, 2013   ·   location: United States
id 6555709
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greengiant ( member #41196) posted at 2:12 PM on Saturday, November 9th, 2013

At one point, I did something like this. 2 weeks after Dday, she had been "sorry", but at the same point distant. So one night I've decided to talk with someone about what I was living, and then I went to a restaurant alone and ordered my favourite meal. I came home 4 hours late, and she was trying to reach me on my cell phone every 15 minutes. I dind't answered, I was enjoying my time and didn't want her to mess with my only enjoyable time in 2 weeks.

When I came into our house, she was devastated. She thought I left or had an accident. I told her she took a lot of bad decision by herself, and only thought of herself. I said that as for now, I would think about me first. After this night, she truly realized what she had done and what she could have lost. She's still working on herself, but at least she changed her attitude.

I think you are doing the right thing!

ME - BS - 35 (33 on dDay)
fWW - 35 (33 on dDay)
Married 10 years, together 17
3 kids: 8, 6 and 4
D-Day: September 30th, 2013
She had a 6 weeks A with a COW

posts: 145   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Quebec, Canada
id 6555720
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AlexFL ( member #40966) posted at 3:16 AM on Sunday, November 10th, 2013

Where is the 180 article. I can find it.

posts: 146   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2013
id 6556370
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 3:31 AM on Sunday, November 10th, 2013

Alex, sent you a PM.

Stormy, use as much or as little of the 180 as you need to provide yourself with the room and strength you need to decide what it is you need. Don't try to use it to change him. It's for you!

Strength

BH 58, WW 49
DS 31(Mine),SD 29,SS 28(Hers),DS 16 Ours, DGS 11, DGD 8, DGS 3
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
"I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone."
― Sophocle

posts: 5670   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6556382
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Girlygirly2006 ( new member #41183) posted at 9:32 AM on Wednesday, November 13th, 2013

I can't find thus 180 either please send me a link thank you x

posts: 23   ·   registered: Nov. 1st, 2013   ·   location: England
id 6560049
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