I thought I was happy with my ex, and I guess I was, but my life is SO MUCH BETTER now. It did not take me very long without him to realize what a drag on my boat he was.
Now when I think of times I thought were happy ones for me, I realize that it was only a time in which xpos was so happy because he was getting exactly what he wanted that he did not put me down or abuse me some how (I now realize that I was verbally, mentally and emotionally abused for over 40 years).
Even the times I was happy, like when we were last able to have our whole family together for Christmas, I realize that my happiness was about the children and grandchildren, NOT xpos. When alone with him, he said and did things to me that my mind tucked away and denied because of the otherwise happy time. He also did overt things when they were around, but I'm sure they didn't really notice because of everything going on and because they were so used to us being like that - that was "just how Mom and Dad were". But they were mild compared to when we were alone and he said them as if he were joking, but I new better.
There are times when I feel a bit lonely and think about what it was like to be part of a couple. But when I think of those times, those memories come forward and I fully realize just what he did to me. Every memory is spoiled by his part in it.
My NEW memories with family and friends and especially with my children and grandchildren are pure and untarnished. And I'm so grateful to have that! I'm glad you can have good times now too.