SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

when does the pain stop

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Unagie posted 11/9/2013 12:03 PM

He was in love witb another woman for 8 years of our 10 yeaf relationship. Her name would come up at least once a year and I always wondered if he regretted not going to her. 8 years of wondering if she was the one he wanted and pushing that thought away. 5 years of wondering why I wasn't good enough to marry or have kids with. I believed him that he wanted to give me the perfect wedding. But there was always an excuse, except the truth, he wasn't 100% abou me because part of him loved someone else. Why would you marry me!? The only time you proposed was when you thought I was leaving you. I got a proposal to keep me around, it was a bargaining tool. You fucking fool, I adored you and yet I let you treat me like I was second best, the one thing I wanted you could never give me. I loved you I loved you I still love you but I think I will forever feel like I was your consolation prize.

nowiknow23 posted 11/9/2013 12:19 PM

The only time you proposed was when you thought I was leaving you. I got a proposal to keep me around, it was a bargaining tool.
He manipulated and controlled you with that proposal. You see that, right? The timing of it - when he thought you were leaving? It sounds like it was meant to keep you in place.

It takes time to process this stuff, but processing it and seeing the truth of things is the path to healing and ending the pain.

((((Unagie))))

Unagie posted 11/9/2013 12:26 PM

I know NIK, I know

Thefly559 posted 11/9/2013 16:24 PM

I'm sorry. Emotional post. Glad you got it out and you realize now what you did not before. I have no answers other than time! Oh and healthy choices so you can have the strength you need to navigate through this. All the best.

Nature_Girl posted 11/9/2013 16:29 PM

((((HUGS))))

The anger is good. It is helpful. It's healing. It offers clarity & motivation for positive change.

SBB posted 11/9/2013 16:34 PM

It takes time to process this stuff, but processing it and seeing the truth of things is the path to healing and ending the pain.

^^THIS. A thousand times this.

I doubt he loved the other woman any more than any WS loves any AP. Its the same rainbows an unicorns - nothing is different.

Telling you about it was a form of emotional abuse.

People in this mindset are incapable of love. It has nothing to do with us - our love doesn't fix it or make it worse. It merely helps them manipulate us more easily and for longer.

Right now you're looking at him and trying to work out why he did or didn't do X, Y, Z. There will come a time where you'll need to examine why you didn't love yourself enough to put a stop to this abuse. That is where I am at right now.

I'm sorry you're hurting. I hope you can distance yourself from him physically soon. That will help your healing enormously.

Unagie posted 11/9/2013 16:39 PM

Thanks and I think I might be ready to say and mean fuck that guy. Fuck him for being a fool and an idiot for not seeing what he had with me. Fuck him for seeing me go through depression and nervous breakdowns and never trying to even ask if it went deeper then the surface reasons. Fuck him for loving someone else for the majority of our time together. Fuck him for falling in love with someone who was my fucking friend and fuck her too. Fuck him for making me feel bad about asking them to end their relationship. Fuck him for making me feel guilty for not comforting him a few months ago when he confessed to "realizing" he's loved her all these years and I was sitting there gutted and literally gasping for air. Fuck him fuck him fuck him fuck him!!!! FUCK!!! You wonder you fucktard why my BFF thinks you don't deserve me despite my actiosn!? THAT'S WHY!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!

ETA: Holy shit that felt good.

[This message edited by Unagie at 4:40 PM, November 9th (Saturday)]

Thefly559 posted 11/9/2013 17:08 PM

that was awesome! it sounded like it felt great! I read it and I felt great!

Iamhappytoday posted 11/9/2013 18:04 PM

I didn't know one post could contain so much awesomeness!

Now I can watch football in a MUCH better mood!

Good for you!

caregiver9000 posted 11/9/2013 18:10 PM

Whooooo HOooooo!!! Go girl! Righteous anger warms my heart.

Unagie posted 11/9/2013 18:14 PM

Didn't know I had it in me.

nowiknow23 posted 11/9/2013 18:46 PM

We did, sweetie.

SBB posted 11/9/2013 22:03 PM

Now its time to walk away and never turn back. Keep working on you - growing and healing. Leave that fucker to the dust.

When are you moving?

Unagie posted 11/10/2013 00:34 AM

That depends on money....always depends on money. It'll cost less to move to my family but it'll still cost money I dont yet have. Been out of work for over a week too because of bronchitis. I'm doing what is necessary though.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.