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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: My epiphany
Morhurt
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a recurring little issue... I start to feel pretty good and things are normalish and fun... H forgets the pain I'm in and behaves as if there is not a river of hurt in me... I feel scared and abandoned and break down... he feels like shit for "forgetting"... I feel angry and sad that his memory is so short... etc.

So... we have an 8yo in a full leg cast (it's correctional, she's having a relapse of a bith defect). She is the bravest, happiest little girl ever. And sometimes I forget how hard it really is for her.

She and her 3 sisters are all on the swim team and obviously she can't swim right now. I've been just dropping the others off, never watching, to make it easier on the 8yo.

Wellll, I really wanted to watch on Wednesday for various reasons and without fully considering her feelings, I brought casty to the pool to watch her sisters practice. She was in her wheel chair and seemed ok until the kids jumped in the pool. All of a sudden, silent tears streamed down her face. I felt like the biggest ass in the world. We went home and played wii and she recovered.

How could I, her MOTHER have done that?? Just because she acts brave does NOT mean that she isn't sad inside.

And yet I expect my H to never forget my hurt. My invisible (not fluorescent pink, full leg cast) that I'm usually so brave about, hurt.

I understand now. It doesn't make the forgetting ok but at least I can empathize with how it happens.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
authenticnow
♀ 16024
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brilliant.

Thank you for sharing this.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38696 | Registered: Sep 2007
SoVerySadNow
♀ 36711
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice post, thank you. Crystal clear explanation.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
eachdayisvictory
♀ 40462
Member # 40462
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fantastic epiphany. I will have your story with me now as a support, isn't that why this site is so great?

Also, you can really take away the importance of forgiveness - you made a mistake, but you clearly love your daughter and want the best for her. Acknowledging and being willing to change what you're doing was most likely the key to helping her get past the small error. That's what we need from our WSs, and we need to grow our understanding - as you have and helped me do with this post.

thanks, you sound like a fantastic mom, I would like you to know that and think about that today - maybe even replace a sadness of the A with the knowledge that a stranger is appreciating your parenting.


me, BW: 34
FWH: 35
Dday: Feb 2013
LTA for 2+years
children: 2 boys age 3 and 6
Reconciling

Posts: 395 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nova Scotia, Canada
Morhurt
♀ 40166
Member # 40166
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, all three of you, I'm glad it made sense. :)

eachdayisvictory: Thank you for your kind words, I needed them as I feel like the worst type of slacker mom today. The work of R coupled with raising 4 daughters, iced with our current crazy schedule for our daughter's cast changes (a weekly round trip drive of over 6 hrs, out of the country) is making me exhausted. It's 12:30 and I'm still in bed.


Me: BS
Him: FWS
M: 15 years
4 lovely daughters
Working to rebuild.

Posts: 960 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
bionicgal
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

THANK YOU! Awesome.


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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