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Newest Member: Dilbert (46033)

User Topic: Trigger vs Gut
roarlouder
♀ 40921
Member # 40921
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you know if its just a trigger, or if its your gut and its time to listen? We've had a good week. WH continues to do everything to work towards R. Big and little changes, and I am verifying as much as I can.

I leave in a few days for a month for work. I can't tell if my unease is due to that, or if there's something else going in that I am missing. I realize it could just be nerves about leaving, and worrying that we are getting too comfortable too quickly. But I don't want to be naive and miss something else.


DDay-sept 2013
1LTA(5yrs) plus many ONS
Divorcing.
No kids

Posts: 356 | Registered: Oct 2013
Hope2B
♀ 40474
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...worrying that we are getting too comfortable too quickly

I read your profile. He's taught you to mistrust him. He had a 5 year A and additional ONS. It's too soon to trust him imho--you might end up never trusting him fully. Even trust but verify begs the question of trust. We've learned that lesson the hard way.

For me, WH doing big and little changes are done out of fear that I'll boot him out, although he does have flashes of insight (but they don't stay with him very long). For us, DDay, and TT (DDay#2) feel very recent to me.

A trigger for me is something "concrete" that reminds me of his A or of our M, like a song with words of promise and fidelity, or seeing him be polite to a female who has the same coloring and body-type as the slut.

My gut feeling is an intuition, absent of anything concrete.


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
He had a 7 year LTA, thought she was just a girl down on her luck & he was her KISA

Posts: 374 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
cl131716
♀ 40699
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, November 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no idea and I struggle with this myself. It seems my gut has been all thrown off balance. I get feelings all the time but then find nothing when I search. When we were separated I was so sure he had someone over three different times but when I drove by....he was alone. I did however feel he was talking to someone after I told him I wanted a divorce and I was right about that one.


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 3

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