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roarlouder posted 11/9/2013 16:40 PM

How do you know if its just a trigger, or if its your gut and its time to listen? We've had a good week. WH continues to do everything to work towards R. Big and little changes, and I am verifying as much as I can.

I leave in a few days for a month for work. I can't tell if my unease is due to that, or if there's something else going in that I am missing. I realize it could just be nerves about leaving, and worrying that we are getting too comfortable too quickly. But I don't want to be naive and miss something else.

Hope2B posted 11/9/2013 16:58 PM

...worrying that we are getting too comfortable too quickly

I read your profile. He's taught you to mistrust him. He had a 5 year A and additional ONS. It's too soon to trust him imho--you might end up never trusting him fully. Even trust but verify begs the question of trust. We've learned that lesson the hard way.

For me, WH doing big and little changes are done out of fear that I'll boot him out, although he does have flashes of insight (but they don't stay with him very long). For us, DDay, and TT (DDay#2) feel very recent to me.

A trigger for me is something "concrete" that reminds me of his A or of our M, like a song with words of promise and fidelity, or seeing him be polite to a female who has the same coloring and body-type as the slut.

My gut feeling is an intuition, absent of anything concrete.

cl131716 posted 11/9/2013 17:00 PM

I have no idea and I struggle with this myself. It seems my gut has been all thrown off balance. I get feelings all the time but then find nothing when I search. When we were separated I was so sure he had someone over three different times but when I drove by....he was alone. I did however feel he was talking to someone after I told him I wanted a divorce and I was right about that one.