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11 pm and we are headed home

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CatchyUsername posted 11/9/2013 21:57 PM

Because WH is tired when he regularly stayed out past midnight with OW and well after that fucking her. I hate it. Ugh.

painfulpast posted 11/9/2013 22:00 PM


CatchyUsername posted 11/9/2013 22:05 PM

I hate that he was mister hip cool happening with her and he is just another old man with me. :(

painfulpast posted 11/9/2013 22:15 PM

He wasn't. It was an act, like everything else he did with her. I do completely understand how you feel. My H was mister romantic with OW. With me? HA.

People in affairs lie about everything, including how 'cool and funny and smart and charming and sexy and blahblahblahblah barf'. It's such crap. I'll bet he hated being Mr. Late Night with her, and is relieved to be able to say to you that he's tired and just wants to go home.

That doesn't stop you from hurting, and feeling like he's willing to put up more of an effort for her than for you, I know. It was a lie, and it was 'new'. That isn't him, and faking behaviors isn't love.

numbandnauseous posted 11/9/2013 22:15 PM

Totally sucks. I am so sorry.

I wish I had some good words of advice, but just wanted to let you know that you have been heard.


ETA: what painfulpast said ^^^^^^^^^ !!!!!!!

[This message edited by numbandnauseous at 10:17 PM, November 9th (Saturday)]

CatchyUsername posted 11/9/2013 22:17 PM

That is the hard part. Figuring out what is real.

CatchyUsername posted 11/9/2013 22:18 PM

Thanks n

CatchyUsername posted 11/9/2013 22:19 PM

Thanks numb and painful I feel a little less alone.

painfulpast posted 11/9/2013 22:21 PM

He's real now, with you. You've known him a long time. You know that the 'him' that was with OW wasn't the 'him' that you know, and have known. It was an act. Just like WSs rewrite the marriage, they rewrite themselves too. They make up so much to seem like the 'perfect' person. It's complete and utter bull. He isn't with her now, he's with you. He wants you. He loves you.

I've been there, questioning everything. I don't know if there is any way to stop it honestly. It's the distrust that affairs cause. It isn't just 'what are they doing now?' It's everything - are

Want To Wake Up posted 11/10/2013 01:17 AM


I know what you mean Catchy, WH never (and I mean NEVER) took me out for dinner... or dancing... in over 30years. He was content to sit home every weekend on his computer. The rare occassions we did go out it was always something I had arranged.

When he was cheating he was regularly out at bars, drinking and dancing the night away and planning his wining and dining of them. When he was away for work he was a regular "party animal"

With them he was "fun", the "life of the party" (like he was when we met) with me he's a grumpy, old fuddy duddy... I've asked myself if maybe it's just that I am no fun?

That would be true now, now I am no fun (I dread social occasions, I feel intensely... uncomfortable and self conscious) but pre DDay that was not the case.

jo2love posted 11/10/2013 07:24 AM


UndecidedinMA posted 11/10/2013 07:59 AM

Waht does he say when you ask about a late night?

I was in the same place and became increasingly resentful. It took a lot of working out but we now go out 1 night a month with no curfew. If you could chat with her til 1am, have a ONS & EA til all hours then you damn well better be bale to do the same with me.

CatchyUsername posted 11/10/2013 08:38 AM

So this post last night came after I BEGGED him to NOT go home. We had been at friends and I was quite drunk. He did the right thing and took me home and made me drink water and go to bed... but not before I verbally berated him.

I said to him just recently that as "bad" as he thought our marriage was to justify the A, it is NOTHING compared to the hell we are going through now.

He loves me. He wants to be here. He regrets every moment and choice of the A. It just can't be erased.

I guess we are all just doing the best we can.

painfulpast posted 11/10/2013 09:42 AM


Yes we are. What happened last night happens.

I did the same, except it didn't go as well, and my fWH spent the weekend in jail, in a city an hour from home. He was there from very early Saturday morning until Monday when he could go before a judge. I can't remember ever feeling so bad for anything, ever, still. I no longer drink - haven't since then, a year and a half ago.

It could have been much, much worse. Be happy that he loves you and took you home. Alcohol and a crushed heart do not go well together. It releases all those feelings of rage that we suppress.

You're doing fine. Really.

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