SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

stongmomof3 posted 11/10/2013 01:21 AM

Ok so the book hit home. We were certainly not filling up our love meters pre A. His is words of affirmation, and touch. Mine is quality time and acts of service.

So now 7 months from Dday I'm in the full blown ANGER stage and we are in a vicious cycle. I have nothing nice to say (partially because I'm so angry about the A's and partially because I'm pregnant and hormonal and feel completely neglected & alone) . I crave his touch (or just touch in general) but I'm sure I don't send those vibes because I'm so angry. Of course he doesn't want to spend quality time with me and when he (very rarely imo) tried acts if service it's just not good enough because I'm so damn angry.

What now? We are seriously failing at attempting to speak each other's language:(

HardenMyHeart posted 11/10/2013 06:45 AM

I'm so damn angry.

From my point of view, anger is poison to R. We tend to remain angry at the person that caused us pain because we feel they have not been punished enough or not done enough to mitigate the damage. Examine your motivations for remaining angry and determine what can be done. Perhaps you are withholding your WH's love language as a form of punishment?

I have also found that loving feelings follow loving actions. Sometime if we force ourselves to be loving and kind it can make a big difference. Try doing something romantic or loving for your WH.

So sorry you are going through this.

sisoon posted 11/10/2013 07:46 AM

A lot of us go through a rage stage around 6 months out, so what you're feeling sounds pretty normal - which means you're probably right on schedule for healing. So your future will be better than your present.

There are 2 main ways to get out of a cycle. You can let it run its course, or you can interrupt it.

I don't know how to solve this, but I think any solution will start with a conversation. If you're in MC, a session might provide a good venue. Otherwise, interrupting the cycle will probably require one of you to make himself vulnerable....

rachelc posted 11/10/2013 09:29 AM

I think anger is a very normal and natural stage in THIS grieving process...

stongmomof3 posted 11/10/2013 10:11 AM

Thank you . We are not in MC. We are each in individual with the same C and she has helped but wants to give us a bit longer on our own. She is basically saying the same thing as Hardenmyheart. I guess keep on keeping on. It just seems like a week between IC gets me so anxious !