As for the kids, are they in counseling?
"And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
- Sarah McMane
My ex was very attentive to making all visitation visits during the D process, probably because his lawyer recommended it too and it really made me angry because he was being so fake.
I think it depends on what kind of relationship you have with mil. If you were really close, I would let her know that he has chosen not to exercise his visitation rights and that when he did he has ignored them and you don't want to give up time the kids have with your family so the kids can be ignored.
If you don't have a close relationship I would ignore her letter. He has more than likely been feeding her lies and you can talk to you are blue in the face but she won't admit her son is bad.
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
Ignore her. If she wants to see the kids then she can talk to her son about it.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Sending you and your girls hugs. Take care of them and yourself.
I am of the opinion that anyone who can influence your children should be kept as close as possible. This is a case in point. Your MIL got wrong information from your ex and is under the impression that you are withholding the children on TGiving. Who knows when that little nugget will be brought up in the future. There might come a day when your kids hear something like that and believe that you were the cause of their father not seeing them enough.
If it were me I would send a letter or email saying something like this:
Thank you so much for remembering my birthday. These past months have been difficult at best and your card brightened my day.
I'm glad you mentioned the kids because I think it would be good for them to know they haven't been abandoned by their grandparents. As I'm sure you know, they aren't seeing much of their father these days and a phone call now and then from you would make a world of difference. I had already made our TG plans by the time WH mentioned taking them to see you. Besides, the kids really need to spend more time with their father before they will be comfortable traveling alone with him.
With time the dust will settle within our family and things will begin to feel normal once again. I do hope you and FIL will continue to be an important part of our family. Please call us anytime.
I remember making it clear that I was the anchor parent and my XH was the peripheral parent. I like to think of it as marking my territory
"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl