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Newest Member: Irishprincess (61813)

User Topic: Dreading the holidays?
♀ 41090
Member # 41090
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always loved, loved, loved the holiday season. I love everything about it...decorating, cooking and baking, being with family and friends, even listening to Xmas music. Now seeing Xmas decor at stores is turning my stomach. I don't give a crap about Thanksgiving or Xmas. It'll be my first holiday season after dday two months ago (we're in R) and I'm not looking forward to it at all. There is no joy. It makes me tired just thinking about all the faking I'm going to have to do around friends and family. Anyone else feeling this way? If you've been through this before, any advice?

[This message edited by nomadlady at 11:33 AM, November 10th (Sunday)]

DDay: September 2013
In R, having more good days than bad

"My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned, and that's ok."

Posts: 118 | Registered: Oct 2013
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((nomadlady)))) The first time through the holidays can be very stressful. My advice is to give yourself permission to do what you need to do. Scale things back, skip parties and gatherings if you don't feel up to them. "Sorry I can't make it, I'm feeling under the weather," is a truthful and perfectly acceptable response.

Be kind to yourself, honey. You can make it through this if you put your self care first, drop the unreasonable expectations, and listen to what your body and your emotions are telling you day by day.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 40219
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you! I'm dreading the season as well. We spent time with OW and her family all throughout the holidays last year
I am taking the approach of simple. You need to take care of yourself.

BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 177 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
♀ 38647
Member # 38647
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here. I'm thinking about taking my kids for a mini vacation the week of Christmas. I don't think I can stay around H, and I don't think I can be around family either. Maybe you can take some time for yourself during the holidays?
Sending thoughts and prayers

Me 36
WH 40
Married 10 years, 2 great kids

Posts: 65 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Florida
♀ 30396
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did the same thing the first holiday season. Four holiday season's later, still don't like them as much, but they are less painful. Take care of yourself and do not try to "make" your self enjoy them. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it.

We did start some new holiday traditions. My H and I now cook the holiday goodies together to give to friends. Before, that was something I did alone. It does give us time together and we enjoy the memories. His first pecan pies were extra buttery as he doubled the required butter....of course we still laugh about that.

Just go slow and do what feels comfortable.

Me-54 BS
Him 61-WS
Married 34 yrs, together 37
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1962 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, November 10th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've decided to embrace it this year and make things different, not trying to recreate how things were.

I can't afford much, but have bought new Christmas tree decorations etc so that it doesn't look the same as before (my WH has left). We're also going to have cheese fondue for Christmas dinner with Christmassy type things to dip into it, so that it feels different than before. Trying to start some new traditions...all to stop it reminding me of when we were a happy family (or so I thought).

But I'm still expecting it to hurt and I'm going to let myself have a good old cry once the children are in bed.

Me: BW
Him: XWH
2 Children

Finally reached indifference & looking forward to my new beginning

Posts: 1629 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 6

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