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Just found some pics, need opinions

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jzkc1502 posted 11/10/2013 16:29 PM

Hi all! My story can be found here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=506560&HL=40496
And when I found a Vicodin pill here: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=510392&HL=40496

Anyway, tonight I logged onto his profile on the computer and started going through the recycle bin. I stumbled across 4 photos....they were of him only in his boxer briefs from the torso down to show very visibly that he was hard. When I looked at the photo properties I saw they were taken on a Saturday morning at 7:30am on a weekend I was out of town this summer. I know 10000% sure the photos were not something he would have sent to me, that's not my thing and he's never sent me photos like that before. I'm baffled whats going on. Is this something guys do? I mean, I don't take seflies of my bra just for my own personal viewing pleasure. Whats going on?!!?!

Kierst13 posted 11/10/2013 17:01 PM

He is taking those pictures to share with poeple on the internet, most likely through email, instant messaging or chat apps. He is not taking those pics for himself. If he is sending pics of his hard penis he is definitely also engaging in cyber-sex.

tushnurse posted 11/10/2013 17:42 PM

Yup he's not doing it just for his own kicks. He is up to no good. That's guarantee, sister you need to make sure you get copies of that proof. Screenshots etc, get a key logger in that computer ASAP!

((( and strength)))

jzkc1502 posted 11/10/2013 18:07 PM

This is what I was afraid of. It just doesn't make sense. I just needed to make sure this isn't a "guy thing"

naivegirl posted 11/10/2013 18:23 PM

I am so sorry. I think he has a whole secret life going on again or it never stopped. I remember you saying you were going to marriage couseling. How has that been going? I think it is time to hire a PI or get him to take a lie detector test. You are not going to get the truth any other way. Talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row. I wouldn't let him know you found the pictures yet. He will make up some excuse. Save those pictures somewhere. Good luck.

jzkc1502 posted 11/10/2013 18:58 PM

MC has been going OK. We've done 2 joint sessions, I have an individual sessions Tuesday thank god.

Honestly I have the feeling I'm just done. I'm tired of finding things and having to try to talk myself into being like "ohhh yes this could totally be innocent".

He doesn't know I found the photos, and I probably won't say. I don't want to hear is ridiculous story as to why he took them.

HardenMyHeart posted 11/10/2013 19:06 PM

I just needed to make sure this isn't a "guy thing"

Not that I'm aware of. I discovered pics like that of OM that he sent to my FWW. IMO, when guys take pics like this it's for cyber-sex.

Nailinmyforehead posted 11/11/2013 04:57 AM

Not a guy thing that I am aware of. I have never taken a pic like that, and like was mentioned earlier- found a few that were sent to my FWW on her phone. God help us all through this disgusting mess. I pray daily for some relief for us all.

steadfast1973 posted 11/11/2013 07:41 AM

It sounds like your WS is a sex addict, like mine.

jzkc1502 posted 11/11/2013 08:03 AM

I hate how everytime I find something its like I go over and over in my mind trying to come up with a totally innocent answer to why those would be there. I know there isn't, and I'm not ready to hear his lies. I can just imagine them now "oh, I took them I was going to send to you buy changed me mind." "I just wanted to see what it looked like in my underwear". Yea, as absurd as those sound thats what he'll say!! And then try and get me to be like....well I guess that is plausbile.

hathnofury posted 11/11/2013 13:32 PM

Three words: tip of iceberg. If this is what he forgot to delete, image what he did delete.

I am so sorry. I went through a similar experience, confronted and acted like I found more than I had and knew what he was up to. He immediately confessed to more, including videos I had no clue about. Then a year later, there was 10x more.

The thing is now you know. You just need to decide what that means for you. You honestly don't need any more proof unless it is advantageous for D. You know he's been unfaithful, and lying about it. What's next? What do YOU want?

jzkc1502 posted 11/11/2013 13:54 PM

Three words: tip of iceberg. If this is what he forgot to delete, image what he did delete.

This is terrifying. And also incredibly upsetting because I believed that nothing else could possibly be going on since DDay in 2010, plus with the way he's been crying saying he's done nothing else since then. What am I too believe, why must they try and confuse and lie even when there is plain evidence???

Talking to therapist tomorrow, I am so freaking done. I'm done playing 'detective', I'm done being lied to and having someone trying to confuse me, I'm not going to live my life with someone who does this kind of shady stuff then cried and begs me not to leave.

Markone posted 11/11/2013 14:52 PM

Keep trusting your gut. Paqinful though it is to face the worst.

You have all you need:

Pictures of him with a hardon in shorts taken when you're away from home, then deleted. My guess is that he was hoping to get a "no strings attached" hook-up for the weekend.

HurtButHopeful? posted 11/11/2013 15:34 PM

jzkc,
After reading your other posts, it really looks like your H is a wayward sex addict.

He has no respect or consideration for you, all he cares about is his next fix.

Have you had STD tests? I'd suggest you not be intimate with him anymore, until you and he get tested, and he is 100% transparent, and not a wayward anymore.

Your M is so young, and he has been cheating all along. Unless he gets serious about rehabilitating himself, and dealing with his addiction, there is no hope for him ever being faithful in your M.

I'm so sorry. ((((((jzkc))))))

jzkc1502 posted 11/11/2013 16:13 PM

Its hard wrapping my head around the fact that I maybe don't really know someone. Since this was happening from before, during, and after our wedding and honeymoon....how can I really say that I know that person? I'm sure that after initial discovery things had died down, but now it appears w/ the discovery of vicodin, condoms in the car (which he said were for us), and now the self explicit photos that something for sure is not right at all.

LeopoldB posted 11/11/2013 19:11 PM

Based solely on my own limited experience, men do not wake up early on a Saturday morning at 7:30am on a weekend to snap risqué pics for this year's family photo X-Mas card unless they are trying to give Nana a heart attack.

As Ricky said to Lucy, "You have some 'splainin to do".

jzkc1502 posted 11/12/2013 08:53 AM

its so hard laying next to someone knowing they've been doing this and up to no good.

How is he so sweet and loving to me? Do they not feel guilty? Does he not think that is OK???? I don't fricken get it.

Mapleleaf4ever posted 11/12/2013 09:17 AM

(((jzkc)))
I have no idea how these people can live a double life and justify it in their own minds. My WW did it for years before I finally caught her. I don't believe that someone with this type of personality can change that behaviour. Taking those pics are not for his own pleasure. IMO you have enough to conclude the man is a pig and should move on. If you need more, then take the advice already given. Just google Keylogger or key catcher and download a program. You will get his passwords etc. Be ready for what you find though, for I went the same route and the truth was like a baseball bat to the stomach.
Good luck

[This message edited by Mapleleaf4ever at 9:18 AM, November 12th (Tuesday)]

Ready_to_run posted 11/12/2013 09:20 AM

Its called compartmentalizing. And if this is an online A he is probably justifying it by thinking he is not cheating since they haven't met in person.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I know how heartbreaking it is to realize that the person you are in love with is living a double life.

jzkc1502 posted 11/12/2013 10:49 AM

Its called compartmentalizing. And if this is an online A he is probably justifying it by thinking he is not cheating since they haven't met in person.

Thats what I'm thinking. But I'm still so naive I'm also thinking "well maybe he was just feeling sexy and wanted to take pics to see".

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