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pendant posted 11/10/2013 16:58 PM

Follow your gut. Trust yourself. Don't believe a word WS says until you have a timeline and have double checked it. Red flags..we only kissed...we are good friends...it only happened twice...
I chose to R. It was hard. It's getting better. The A is always in the background, but how we deal with it and discuss it is different. Almost three years later, I am struggling with whether to acknowledge my anniversary next week. Time to focus on YOU.

Chrysalis123 posted 11/10/2013 18:44 PM

Thank you for posting this.

whyme1525 posted 11/10/2013 18:45 PM

question for.you im 2 1/2 months since d-day. I haven't decided wether I want to r or not my ws says she does and has had nc with the other man and is in ic.. my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair? My wife never wants to talk.about it all she says is you know.everything we need to move on.

whyme1525 posted 11/10/2013 18:54 PM

question for.you im 2 1/2 months since d-day. I haven't decided wether I want to r or not my ws says she does and has had nc with the other man and is in ic.. my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair? My wife never wants to talk.about it all she says is you know.everything we need to move on.

HardenMyHeart posted 11/10/2013 19:49 PM

whyme1525, there are some good articles that address your question in The Healing Library (yellow box upper left corner)

One related article is titled, Joseph's Letter:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

Another related article is titled, What the WS/BS Must Do to Reconcile:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/reconciliation/reconcile_musts.asp

my question is isn't it normal to.talk about the affair?

Not only is it normal, it's critical to your healing and beginning R.

As a side note, it may be more helpful to ask your question by starting a new topic. You are likely to get more responses by doing that.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 7:51 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

pendant posted 11/10/2013 19:57 PM

Why, I found this site way after DDay because I automatically believed my FWH. Either way, does not matter. You were betrayed. You decide on what you need to move forward in R. Sounds like your wife needs to understand what is involved. You HAVE to talk and address all uncomfortable issues. Please see the Healing library...look for gas lighting and rug sweeping.

[This message edited by pendant at 8:00 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

Lostandpregnant posted 11/28/2013 14:59 PM

I wish I had listened to my gut.
I wish I had listened to what I truly felt rather than listening to:
-You're just jealous and insecure
-You want to control me
-My good friends just happen to be females (and all exgf's)
-You want me to be "chained" to just you
-You're paranoid
-Get over it! (in reference to messaging with ex gf's inappropriately and me being upset about it)

greengiant posted 11/28/2013 15:24 PM

I also think it is essential to think about it. Maybe you don't need to always talk about this, but you need to talk. My WW asked me if I was ready to limit the time we would talk about this. I said I would try (We no longer talk in the day, but after the kids are going to bed we talk every day. We limit the time, but I said to her that I would go nuts if I would keep everything inside of me.

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