A little back story. WW had affair for 9 months. started with one night stand within hours of meeting OM.
Several months ago, we had the pleasure of attending an event which OM attended also with mutual friends. A few days later it seems the fog started to lift.
This is now a few months ago and the main thing that I struggle with is that I am her second choice. That I am her backup plan and that she is settling for me. This feeling of failure and not being good enough is now causing me to have severe self esteem issues. The most recent issue is that I have a serious inferiority complex when it comes to sex. I have been rejected hundreds of times over our 20 years together. I assumed that this is normal and even though it has always hurt, I could deal with it because I felt it was normal in any marriage.
The problem now is that she has NEVER been rejected by me or anyone else, EVER.
She indicated that the night of her infidelity, she had invited him to her hotel room and when she became tired, did not know how to tell him that he should leave. He ended up initiating and she did not say no.
This leaves me devastated whenever she tells me no. He was better than me. She couldn''''''''t tell him no when it was a taboo, yet she can tell me no so easily.
The fact that she has never been rejected leaves me believing that she can not begin to understand what it feels like.
The problem, is that now when rejected, I feel completely emasculated. Unlike anything I''''''''ve ever felt before.
[This message edited by devotedfool68 at 5:19 PM, November 10th, 2013 (Sunday)]BH 46
WW 38 (Lost94)
AP - friend of a friend of WW - complete stranger, predatory KISA
many DDays, primary 7/4/2012 and 8/10/2012
timeline of the highlights 11/1/2013
Holding on to hope.