None of my friends would have done this. It would have been a picture of a pair of cool shoes or something.
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
I know I’m not supposed to make generalities.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
And I'm sorry, maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this whole exchange almost reads like a hint that the guys will be cheating with the pictured girl.
Who does this? Immature jerks without boundaries. People who have never been hit by infidelity and don't get the pain of it. This is part of why I consider myself in limbo. Less than a year after the end of MrH's 2A, he came back from an overseas trip and I found a picture of a woman sitting alone at a cafe table. As well as texts from a buddy about him being a ladies man. Assuming MrH's explanation is true (it may not be) it was all part of the joking he did with the Marines there. Since he doesn't have the sense to have his own boundaries, I can't trust that he won't walk the slippery slope. His new boundaries are "don't interact with women unless unavoidable" but I think that's a load of crap.
If someone can't tell appropriate from inappropriate behavior, it's an issue and their M is at risk IMO.
[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 6:05 AM, November 11th (Monday)]
this really sunk me for a while last night... and I had been doing well. I cried and told hubby I
was so angry I wasn't happy. And I do realize that my happiness is my own to cultivate.
I told him it was nearly impossible to recover from this and I needed to be very easy on myself and know that there will be good and bad days.
then we went to yoga and I felt better.
I have wondered before if poeple do something like this - waiting to see the reaction. If we choose to smirk or laugh and sort of blow it off (not saying that is what you did) - then this sort of gives them a message that its not so bad - and they may take another step towards inappropriateness.
Is it possible that someone without actual "plans" to cheat, may see non-reaction as a sort of validation that "its not that bad" and so take another step toward really bad boundaries?
I say that too much in our current social world goes down the slippery slope because we don't want to appear to be prudes, or a buzz-kill.
I am a firm believer that we need to express and defend our values - even if we do seem to appear like a party-pooper.
Of course, I am a BS with little real hope to ever regain my marriage - so what do I know?
[This message edited by WhatsRight at 6:31 AM, November 11th (Monday)]
I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy
For instance, in MrH's case, I would have loved for him to tell the guy "I'm M and have eyes only for my W." Then tell me and either let me see or delete it depending on what we decided together. Instead, he left it there, never thinking id look because it's a phone from another country and useless here.
I'm sure you would prefer your H clued in and saw that the betrayal is still too raw...if it will ever come time to joke about that again. That he had some distaste about what the whole exchange implied. And that your heart is more precious to him than a pic of some random chicky his friend sent. Even that he would want to seek friends that respect their M enough not to take pics like this unless the W knows and is ok with it.
ITA- if more people were brave and stood up for cherishing their M, at the very least it would better their M. At the most it would begin to change the world around them because of a "new" perspective. It's ok to love, honor, cherish and respect your spouse and M.
[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 6:47 AM, November 11th (Monday)]