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ever in my life have I been arrested, been put in the back of a police car. The worst thing that has happened to me were a few tickets in my lifetime

Tonight on the way back from Mass, dd7 was chatty as usual. Then she said I had been in jail.

What?!

I immediately set her straight
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Two, maybe three years ago he had thrown it in my face I had been in jail. The comment came out of nowhere. It was part of his trying to make me into a bad person.

I knew he believed it because his whore has a father who was asked to retire from nj state police. Doesnt mean he is truthful....or that she uses her fathers former job to add validity to the crap that she spews.

He is the one who went to jail....for a dui. I never told the kids, he did.

I am so unbelievably angry right now.

To how many people did those pos' (spouse and his ho) tell this lie?

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 5:44 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

(((sulley)))). I don't even know what to say. That is just 7 different kinds of fucked up.

Don't have any words of wisdom. Just that you are a good person and he is very sad, broken, and messed up.

I have tried not to engage. I have tried to ignore the crap. Dont poke the bear. The results wear me out and I get nowhere with it

Until tonight

Trigger time.

As I have mentioned in O.T. quite a bit big triggers for me is people calling me a liar or accusing me of bad behavior. I have had these false accusations from mostly my "family" (including extended) and a few others.

So I let him have it

What does he say? Tries to be sweet and concerned. Dd misunderstood. He also denied accusing me 2 or 3 yrs ago of being in jail. I remember it well. I didnt misunderstand a damd thing. He had said it in english and with a smile! Now I am misunderstanding him. I am falsely accusing him of something he didnt do? Bullshit. And I can promise you all, his reaction will be anger and he will be a bastard because in his words I falsely accused his poor innocent self of saying this crap about me.

I am seething

Tush...thanks for your kind words. Im just seriously gggrrrrr right now.

EtA: If I had been in jail I wouldnt have been hired by my company.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 6:03 PM, November 10th (Sunday)]

EtA: If I had been in jail I wouldnt have been hired by my company.

^^^^^^Tell this to your DD. It's the truth.

I did tell dd that^^^

Dd7 is too free with her information. She shares too much. So I asked her who she told while letting her know she wouldnt get into trouble.

I could tell she told but she wouldnt tell me.

If she told her bff, the girl told her dad who, out of dislike for my son and I, would share the gossip. Some of their family friends have ties to the football team the kids play on.

Did she tell her friends at school and it get back to the school (catholic school).

I am vaguely remembering him telling the kids about my being in jail. I vaguely remeber being shocked and angry he would say tbat to the kids. I also said it was a bold faced lie. I think that is why hetold them aabout his dui and what he did was bad. I remembered this this morning and the memory is vague tho it took place a month or two ago I am also not sure he hasnt said it more than once to the kids. I am in disbelief and angry he would say such a thing.

And how do I handle the likely possibility dd told her friends who probably told their parents who might have told xyz....

I loathe him right now.

Sully, you can try to detach all you want but when you continue to live with a toxic asshole he continues to poison you and your children. I hope for your sake and their's you can find a way to overcome your paralysis and get out before you look back and regret that this is the entire life you have given yourself and your children. It is such a shame.

Sully, living with this man is harmful to your children.

Telling your children you were in jail is no more outrageous than a thousand other things he's done or said since you started posting here.

It is teaching them about relationships---lessons they will carry into their own.

Your son will learn it's okay to treat women this way, just as your husband learned this from the familial and cultural messages you've told us he learned.

Your daughter---and this horrifies me more--is learning that THIS IS ALL SHE HAS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN A RELATIONSHIP. (Yes, I shouted.)

These years are crucial. And they're being polluted by a man who, IMO, should have contact limited as much as possible.

I mean, yes--I realize he'd have visitation if he chose to exercise that right. And that's okay. I just think that your kids would be a million times better off if they lived with you, and the CONSISTENT environment was a loving one, and the CONSISTENT message they got about relationships is that women are to be treated with love and respect and, when they are not, should leave the relationship because THEY DESERVE BETTER.

What would you tell your daughter, if she were to be in a marriage like yours? Would you list all the reasons she couldn't/shouldn't leave the marriage. I don't think so.

This has been going on for a VERY long time.

Are you going to act?

ETA: You do realize, don't you, that gossip is the very least of your worries, right? What the neighbors, teammates' fathers, or ANYONE thinks is so inconsequential in the scheme of things, Sully.

When the hell is your kids' well-being--and YOURS-- going to matter as much as all of these...diversions?

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:34 AM, November 11th (Monday)]