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send positive thoughts for ds9

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caregiver9000 posted 11/10/2013 21:20 PM

The boys came back from spending the night with their dad. The weekend visits have dropped to Saturday night/Sunday visits over the last few months.

The boys have Veteran's Day off, but spending the extra day at dad's didn't work out for various reasons.

DS9 comes home and immediately bursts into tears about missing Dad, not seeing dad enough. I talk to him for an hour. His tears seem to based in guilt more so than sadness. I hug him, I validate how hard it must be, tell him I am glad he is home.

Later when DS12 is getting ready for bed, I ask what the deal is with his brother's sadness. In a purely 12 year old as few syllables as possible, I get a verbal shrug "eh, that's dad's fault" as he takes the stairs two at a time to bed.

I am sure that it will all be a non issue tomorrow. I am tired of this but then I think if not this, then it would be some other trial.

Thanks for letting me spill.

nowiknow23 posted 11/10/2013 21:23 PM

((((ds9)))) Sending you all positive thoughts, cg.

tesla posted 11/10/2013 21:30 PM

Watching our children suffer their idiot fathers just. kills. me.

I'm sorry CG.
Happy thoughts being sent DS9's way.

ChoosingHope posted 11/10/2013 22:17 PM


I hope he has a nice, relaxing day with you tomorrow. (((HUGS)))

careerlady posted 11/10/2013 22:22 PM

Poor baby! Have you shared the feedback with his father?

Griefstricken25 posted 11/11/2013 01:36 AM

(((ds9))) Poor kiddo.

Kajem posted 11/11/2013 04:18 AM

Positive thoughts on the way!!!!

A mental kick in the arse to your XH for not having a clue to his son's need for more of a connection with dad.

Cyber hugs for you and your boys.

SBB posted 11/11/2013 05:18 AM

I'm keening right along with you mamma. This time when we are their whole world is so precious. I hate seeing it squandered. I also hate seeing them disappointed or blaming themselves for the fathers fucked-upness.

I'm sorry your boy is hurting. I honestly can't fathom how you do it. I'd say it is all the practice you've received.

Hugs for you and your lovely boys. You all deserve so much better.

caregiver9000 posted 11/11/2013 09:49 AM

I quit sharing the boys' feelings with their dad a long time ago. Sharing how the boys feel or what they need from their father earns me

1. A scolding for telling him what to do
2. The boys a scolding for telling on him
3. The boys get told to man up, toughen up, stop being mama's boys
4. The boys feel betrayed by me as my attempts to help cause them more fallout with their dad. Possibly they stop telling me things.

The ex's relationship with the boys is not mine to fix or manage.

That was a hard lesson to learn and one I remind myself of frequently.

It bothers me that the wayward parent LEAVES, spends however many years consistently absent and selfish, ditching scheduled parenting time with excuses, and then uses SADNESS to make the child feel guilty.

AS expected, today has been about the normal childhood worries: what to eat and what to watch on TV.

[This message edited by caregiver9000 at 9:50 AM, November 11th (Monday)]

cmego posted 11/11/2013 14:44 PM

Parallel lives again, Care. I heard anger from my dd10 yesterday about her Dad. I keep directing them back to him…and she did. She totally told him that she was upset. I was proud and sad at the same time.


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