"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

SusanR posted 11/11/2013 05:30 AM

I had a little meltdown yesterday. I spent most of the day working in my basement , trying to work around a giant pile of rocks he left for me. The plumber said I should have waited to leave my cheater until after he got rid of the rocks. Anyhow, I suddenly realized that I was crawling around on the floor trying to find enough space to cut curtain fabric. The reality of my existence and the powerful metaphor were more than I could handle at the moment. Poor dog did not understand
that I was not screaming at her.

Then I read a post from my MIL on FB about how proud she is of her son. Made me so angry. I don't think she would be so proud if I sent her some of the pictures and emails I have. She is so in denial but, she took her cheater (my husband's father) back.

Even my own mother thinks I should take him back. "That's just how men are." , she said. I refuse to believe that!

nomistakeaboutit posted 11/11/2013 05:38 AM

Parents, like children, are flawed. Your mother is overstepping an important boundary. This is your decision.

nowiknow23 posted 11/11/2013 09:03 AM

((((Susan)))) Sometimes it's just too much, and when it is, a meltdown can be very cathartic.

blue8888 posted 11/11/2013 09:32 AM

I think you are amazing! It takes strength to leave and stand up for yourself! You deserve to be happy. Don't let those other people tell you any different.

solus sto posted 11/11/2013 09:38 AM

(((Susan)))) You are so strong, making the right decision for yourself. Nomistakeaboutit is right; your mother overstepped. She can make her own decisions.

(I'd suggest gently that your mother might not be the one to whom you want to confide in the future.)

Your dog and mine could start their own support group for dogs whose mothers melt down. (I really think they DO understand.)

Williesmom posted 11/11/2013 10:09 AM

((Susan)) Meltdowns always make me feel better. It's 15 minutes of insanity that allows me to feel somewhat sane for the rest of the day.

Your dog understands.

RyeBread posted 11/11/2013 10:15 AM

SusanR,

Sorry about your meltdown.

Even my own mother thinks I should take him back. "That's just how men are." , she said. I refuse to believe that!

Good for you for not buying into that mental garbage. The problem is that's just how shitty men are. You deserve better than to be with a shitty man.

I hope you feel better soon.

Pass posted 11/11/2013 11:28 AM

"That's just how men are."

Horseshit. That's just how cheaters are.

So many people think men are driven by their cocks, and have no control over what they fuck. He is a selfish arsehole. He decided to throw his values out the window because "I REALLY WANT to do this".

It has nothing to do with him being a man, and I'm glad you don't believe it.

And for the record, he would have done this no matter who he was married to. Did I mention he is a selfish arsehole?

SBB posted 11/11/2013 14:27 PM

It has nothing to do with him being a man, and I'm glad you don't believe it.

Amen, brother.

Susan, time to block MIL on FB - anyone else who might trigger you too. NC isn't just about not talking to Xs, it is about stopping all info about them. Any new info will cause pain.

I once wrote as a joke: "He wore white socks today = pain". But its true.

My mum was the complete opposite. She offered to be my alibi and get rid of the body (joking/not joking). It didn't make it any easier but I would have felt betrayed by her had she encouraged me to tolerate this abuse.

((SusanR))

7yrsflushed posted 11/11/2013 14:33 PM

"That's just how men are."

Another man chiming in saying good for you for sticking to your guns. I can say without a doubt that not all men or women are like "that". Sorry your own Mom doesn't get it but you stick to what you believe.

hexed posted 11/11/2013 14:41 PM

Do not settle for "that's how men are". My dad is a cheater. My X was a cheater. I'm with a wonderful man...now 3 years... and no he's not a cheater.

the biggest gift my mom ever gave me was kicking my dad to the curb. please keep in mind that my dad and i still have a good relationship. my mom just showed me that no one should get to treat you like crap.

SusanR posted 11/11/2013 19:22 PM

Good to hear from some men that Mom's assessment is as bad as I thought. My dad cheated. My stepdad cheated. I think she really believes that all men are like that.

She just adores my husband and refuses to think ill of him.

Once my legal separation is complete, I may block his family on FB but, after 17 years of marriage, they are like my family. I would miss them. I think they are still expecting that God will heal us and we will get back together. I wouldn't miss all the 'be thankful for the pain" posts, however.

If I did away with all my triggers, I would pretty much have to live in an isolation tank (ala 'Altered States'). Then I'd still have all those memories. I could spend hours just listing them - pretty much everything and everyone.

I think I'm better off facing my demons than trying to hide from them but, occasionally, I'm gonna have a meltdown. Poor dog!

Thefly559 posted 11/11/2013 20:32 PM

Your mom ( no offense) has no clue! All men are not cheaters , I am one. I had numerous chances and I was in the same miserable marraige she was in. I hate those generalization statements.

Lola2kids posted 11/12/2013 11:32 AM

If there is anything I have learned from reading on this site it's this...
Everyone, male or female has the potential to cheat. There are just a select few (thousands) that actually do it.

There is no gender bias for infidelity.