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SusanR (original poster member #29368) posted at 11:30 AM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
I had a little meltdown yesterday. I spent most of the day working in my basement , trying to work around a giant pile of rocks he left for me. The plumber said I should have waited to leave my cheater until after he got rid of the rocks. Anyhow, I suddenly realized that I was crawling around on the floor trying to find enough space to cut curtain fabric. The reality of my existence and the powerful metaphor were more than I could handle at the moment. Poor dog did not understand
that I was not screaming at her.
Then I read a post from my MIL on FB about how proud she is of her son. Made me so angry. I don't think she would be so proud if I sent her some of the pictures and emails I have. She is so in denial but, she took her cheater (my husband's father) back.
Even my own mother thinks I should take him back. "That's just how men are." , she said. I refuse to believe that!
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 11:38 AM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
Parents, like children, are flawed. Your mother is overstepping an important boundary. This is your decision.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 3:03 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
((((Susan)))) Sometimes it's just too much, and when it is, a meltdown can be very cathartic.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
blue8888 ( new member #40896) posted at 3:32 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
I think you are amazing! It takes strength to leave and stand up for yourself! You deserve to be happy. Don't let those other people tell you any different.
Me- BW 31, WH- 29
M 11 yrs Together 13
2 kids (special needs)
Last Dday 9/26/13 EA w/ 19 yr old OW, too many prior EAs to list, one he kissed
Divorcing
My value hasn't decreased based on his inability to see my worth.
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 3:38 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
(((Susan)))) You are so strong, making the right decision for yourself. Nomistakeaboutit is right; your mother overstepped. She can make her own decisions.
(I'd suggest gently that your mother might not be the one to whom you want to confide in the future.)
Your dog and mine could start their own support group for dogs whose mothers melt down. (I really think they DO understand.)
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
Williesmom ( member #22870) posted at 4:09 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
((Susan)) Meltdowns always make me feel better. It's 15 minutes of insanity that allows me to feel somewhat sane for the rest of the day.
Your dog understands.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
RyeBread ( member #37437) posted at 4:15 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
SusanR,
Sorry about your meltdown.
Even my own mother thinks I should take him back. "That's just how men are." , she said. I refuse to believe that!
Good for you for not buying into that mental garbage. The problem is that's just how shitty men are. You deserve better than to be with a shitty man.
I hope you feel better soon.
Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates
Pass ( member #38122) posted at 5:28 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
"That's just how men are."
Horseshit. That's just how cheaters are.
So many people think men are driven by their cocks, and have no control over what they fuck. He is a selfish arsehole. He decided to throw his values out the window because "I REALLY WANT to do this".
It has nothing to do with him being a man, and I'm glad you don't believe it.
And for the record, he would have done this no matter who he was married to. Did I mention he is a selfish arsehole?
Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 8:27 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
It has nothing to do with him being a man, and I'm glad you don't believe it.
Amen, brother.
Susan, time to block MIL on FB - anyone else who might trigger you too. NC isn't just about not talking to Xs, it is about stopping all info about them. Any new info will cause pain.
I once wrote as a joke: "He wore white socks today = pain". But its true.
My mum was the complete opposite. She offered to be my alibi and get rid of the body (joking/not joking). It didn't make it any easier but I would have felt betrayed by her had she encouraged me to tolerate this abuse.
((SusanR))
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
7yrsflushed ( member #32258) posted at 8:33 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
"That's just how men are."
Another man chiming in saying good for you for sticking to your guns. I can say without a doubt that not all men or women are like "that". Sorry your own Mom doesn't get it but you stick to what you believe.
D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 8:41 PM on Monday, November 11th, 2013
Do not settle for "that's how men are". My dad is a cheater. My X was a cheater. I'm with a wonderful man...now 3 years... and no he's not a cheater.
the biggest gift my mom ever gave me was kicking my dad to the curb. please keep in mind that my dad and i still have a good relationship. my mom just showed me that no one should get to treat you like crap.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
SusanR (original poster member #29368) posted at 1:22 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
Good to hear from some men that Mom's assessment is as bad as I thought. My dad cheated. My stepdad cheated. I think she really believes that all men are like that.
She just adores my husband and refuses to think ill of him.
Once my legal separation is complete, I may block his family on FB but, after 17 years of marriage, they are like my family. I would miss them. I think they are still expecting that God will heal us and we will get back together. I wouldn't miss all the 'be thankful for the pain" posts, however.
If I did away with all my triggers, I would pretty much have to live in an isolation tank (ala 'Altered States'). Then I'd still have all those memories. I could spend hours just listing them - pretty much everything and everyone.
I think I'm better off facing my demons than trying to hide from them but, occasionally, I'm gonna have a meltdown. Poor dog!
Thefly559 ( member #40268) posted at 2:32 AM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
Your mom ( no offense) has no clue! All men are not cheaters , I am one. I had numerous chances and I was in the same miserable marraige she was in. I hate those generalization statements.
"respect? you don't deserve it, you won't get any from me unless you earn it"
Lola2kids ( member #32789) posted at 5:32 PM on Tuesday, November 12th, 2013
If there is anything I have learned from reading on this site it's this...
Everyone, male or female has the potential to cheat. There are just a select few (thousands) that actually do it.
There is no gender bias for infidelity.
BS: (Me) 48
Kids: twins DD(11)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved an ocean away June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"
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