Do you have an IC ? I really think when the emotions get to be too intense to be managed and boil over like this it is important to get some help. IF you don't have an IC maybe get in to see your MD ? If nothing else that might be able to help with referrals and/or medication that can help level out the emotions for a time.
Look I am not going to pretend I was calm, cool and collected after Dday either. I had to seek out some help and I am glad I did. It does not make you anything except smart and realistic. Asking for help is never the wrong thing to do.
I am sorry you are going through this. Not one part of this is easy. I understand completely.
DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. EA/PA. Lied to for 3 years.
Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.
As a former victim of rape, I HATE it when someone restrains me. WH did this a few times. I was NOT out of control. I WAS angry. I would be trying to walk away..and he would grab me and refuse to let me go. or I would be taking his clothes out of the closet..and he would restrain me physically.
NO! You do not have the right to put your hands on another person...unless that person is hurting themselves,someone else, or they are clearly out of control. You don't sound like you were out of control..just pissed off.
He is worried that your DD will hear? Oh..NOW is concerned about the child. Right.
It is not ok to hit him. But he needs to understand you will be angry..and if all you do is throw a few dishes,then he should consider himself lucky. Not that he should expect to be physically hurt,of course not. But throwing a few dishes? Understandable.
BUT...you can not do this around your kid. You know this. Of course. You need to find other ways to release your rage that won't involve her. Are you in IC?
Im not saying what you did was ok. But being angry and kicking a stool over? Pretty mild,IMO. His grabbing you..and the way you felt as a result..ugh..Im seeing red. That is a huge trigger for me. Being held down,not being able to have control of my own body...I can't handle that.
If his concern was for the child,he could have taken her for a walk. He did not have the right to hold you down and not allow you to move.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
One thing that has helped me get through some of my anger is meditation. There are a lot of sites that have downloadable meditations you can play on your iPod or mp3 player.
here is one a very qualified hypnotherapist recommended to me.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:47 AM, November 11th (Monday)]
I'm with N&D - Are you in IC? If not, see your doc ASAP with an eye toward med and get counseling. Can you talk to someone today - IC, MC, doc, pastor?
So I genuinely know how you feel. Of course it isn't right, you know that. I think the important thing is to apologise (if you haven't already) acknowledge that you realise you were way out of line and commit yourself to not ever going to "that place" again. I have learnt to recognise when my anger is spiralling out of control now and I make attempts to stop it before I lose it. I have come really CLOSE to losing it again, but have managed to reign myself in.
I am in no way condoning physical violence, but you have to accept you are under a tsunami of emotional pain...none of us have been taught how to deal with this kind of stuff, it's not something anyone is prepared for, we are all trying to find out way back to sanity through this shitstorm, so cut yourself a small amount of slack.