SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

things going ok but yet....

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

rachelc posted 11/11/2013 09:36 AM

..I was out of coffee this weekend so i said I was going to McDonald's to get some. He got up and asked, "you're not meeting anyone are you?" I said no and asked if he wanted to go with. I also went shopping with a friend and I sent him a picture of the friend and I at the store, so he would know I was actually shopping...

Today, he is in banking so has the day off. A part of me wonders where he is and what he is doing...

my point - we still struggle with trust - THIS FAR OUT. And that makes me so sad....

sisoon posted 11/11/2013 12:18 PM

Gently, I don't think you're that far out. Besides, I'm at least twice as far out as you are, and my MC says I don't have to trust my W yet. And I don't....

Flatlined123 posted 11/11/2013 12:25 PM

I hate to say this, but we're 4 years out and I don't think that even if were 40 years out that there will be total trust.

It's better, but there is always that nagging voice

karmahappens posted 11/11/2013 13:25 PM

Sorry rachelc :(


A part of me wonders where he is and what he is doing...

You shouldn't have to wonder, he should tell you. Not only because he is a W, but in a marriage it is a matter of respect IMO.

I don't go anywhere without telling my H. Heck even if I am home and he is working I will shoot him a text...running to the store...whatever.He does the same.

It's who we are now. Ask him to do this for you.

OldCow18 posted 11/11/2013 13:31 PM

You shouldn't have to wonder, he should tell you. Not only because he is a W, but in a marriage it is a matter of respect IMO.

^^This^^ Wish my own WH got this as well.

rachelc posted 11/11/2013 13:37 PM

You shouldn't have to wonder, he should tell you.

he did. Said he was going into work for a few hours, then downtown for lunch... and the little seed of doubt wondered if he really was.

OldCow18 posted 11/11/2013 13:47 PM

and the little seed of doubt wondered if he really was.

That is just it, isn't it? When the lies came so easily before, it's hard to know if they ever really stopped.

Trying2Survive1 posted 11/11/2013 13:51 PM

I'm sorry rachel. I struggle with that same little seed sometimes. I wish it would wither and go away.

rachelc posted 11/11/2013 13:57 PM

its definitely getting better!
1 year ago I would have been a basket case if he had gone to work on a day off when OW#1 works 100 yards away.

scream posted 11/11/2013 18:33 PM

This post almost takes the place of one I wanted to do. For the BS, do you get to the point where you just have to start letting things go a bit to heal yourself? Do you just say "I need to start trusting", "I need to let them love me and show me love". I have been thinking about this a lot this weekend and would really like some responses.

Rachelc, I do sometimes feel the same way as you. But I noticed I get it more so when Teach is really struggeling. So I think its more of me just over reacting to what she is going through. But thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one feeling this way

scream posted 11/11/2013 18:34 PM

This post almost takes the place of one I wanted to do. For the BS, do you get to the point where you just have to start letting things go a bit to heal yourself? Do you just say "I need to start trusting", "I need to let them love me and show me love". I have been thinking about this a lot this weekend and would really like some responses.

Rachelc, I do sometimes feel the same way as you. But I noticed I get it more so when Teach is really struggeling. So I think its more of me just over reacting to what she is going through. But thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one feeling this way

blakesteele posted 11/11/2013 21:34 PM

You shouldn't have to wonder, he should tell you. Not only because he is a W, but in a marriage it is a matter of respect IMO.

I know you already agree with this rachelc...just think it is worth quoting because I NOW feel like this.

Our marriage pre-A lacked some respect. I did not respect my wife enough to handle common life stress in mature ways....leaned on her too heavy for lots of things (FOO issues in play, but no excuse....I choose poorly). My wife did not respect me enough to engage me honestly (FOO issues blocking her from engaging HERSELF honestly...that bled over into our relationship...no excuses either, she choose poorly).

I am 14 months out. My wifes daily schedule is regularly expressed to me....she sometimes texts pictures of where she is at to me....both help me trust her.

Yeah, it sucks...but it is necessary. I miss the total trust she earned from me for most of our marriage....but choices have consequences and this is part of our reality right now.

I wonder how long this will be a struggle....but then come back to the respect thing. If we learn to R....learn to interact in healthy ways....maybe it will seem less truth-confirming and more life-affirming to operate this way? Fully engaged? Openly vulnerable?

Course, that could be me just spinning an ugly reality into something better....but I gotta tell you, this intentional way of living seems to carry more water than anything we have ever done before.

God help us all.

karmahappens posted 11/11/2013 23:16 PM

and the little seed of doubt wondered if he really was.

Those little seeds of doubt will go away in time...with repetetive replanting of new seeds.

Eventually you will have one hell of a garden, it just takes time to pull all the weeds and replant

You will get there....

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.